Not easy, but worth it
Sit around your house all day recovering from surgery and your monkey mind can sure try to get the best of you.
Yesterday I was sent to the ER at the local hospital to get checked out since I was experiencing some chills and a slight fever. I wasn’t thrilled about being in a place that was riddled with germs and sick people. While there I started to get a bit anxious and felt judging eyes upon me. After a little while of feeling uncomfortable I decided to check myself. We can all sit there and point blame at others for the way they are “making us feel” and how we think they are looking at us, or we can question our thoughts. Are others truly making us feel any differently? Highly unlikely.
What was making me feel uncomfortable and uneasy was myself. I let many thoughts wander around in my head and build upon each other. I then let those thoughts turn into judgements and labels. Pointing out at the nurses and doctors that weren’t giving me the attention I thought I needed or the answers I felt I deserved. We question many things in life, but the one thing we need to take time to question most often is ourselves. These doctors were giving me as much attention as they felt needed and answers aren’t always going to solve our problems anyways. After taking a step back from my monkey mind I could see how busy every one was. The ER was packed and the doctors were completely stressed. I then started to imagine myself in their shoes. Running around trying to figure out what was wrong with people. Trying to answer everyone questions and also trying to make them feel as comfortable as they could. I couldn’t imagine the amount of stress they must deal with. I prayed for them.
Before you label and judge others and let your mind wander, check your self. Question your thoughts before they become actions. Imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes. Think about what they must be going through, what thoughts are running through their minds. It’s easy to point the finger of blame at others. But what we need to do is point that finger within. Even if you feel it is not your fault, drive all blame onto you. Take that negativity and breathe it in and exhale some positive compassion. We all wish for change, so be that change.
I know I post a lot of positive and I often get a response from people telling me “it’s not that easy” or “easier said that done”. You know what? They’re right. It’s not easy. At times it can be the hardest things to do. Today I have been sitting here trying to convince myself that I am not turning into a hypochondriac. I’ve never had surgery before and am usually a very healthy active individual. Now all I do is sit on my ass experiencing signs and symptoms of a body recovering from a major surgery. My heart palpitates sometimes. My blood pressure drops. I can’t get up and do the things I wish to do. I’ve had fevers and chills, wounds that are taking their sweet time healing and now I am having bouts of blurred vision with flashes of light. It’s completely nerve-racking. But the only reason it is, is because I am letting it get to me. I am thinking too much and letting my thoughts wander and build.
So no, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Don’t let your mind get the best of you. I tweeted last night that “There is no prison stronger than the walls of a closed mind.” Like many of my tweets, it was a reminder to myself. Only you can make yourself feel trapped. And only you can set your mind free. So try. It wont always be easy. It may sometimes leave you i tears. And if you feel you have no where or no one to turn to, know that I am here for you and that I know, I truly know what you are going through. So let’s get through it all together. We all walk the same path, so why not at times, hold hands.
Breathe and remember, it’s about this moment and this breath. Always focus on that. If you remain focused on this moment and this breath then there is no room for fear, only love. May you find your peace and put your mind at ease.
Hugs and metta
_/\_ Michael _/\_
The Key
Patience to me isn’t just a virtue but it’s an act.
One that can be practiced and applied to each and every moment.
It can guide you through forgiveness and lead you to acceptance.
It can ease your mind and bring you peace.
So why do we try so hard to rush?
We have all the time we will ever need if we learn to truly live and be mindful of each moment.
So take a step back.
Breathe a little deeper,
and learn to accept patience for the great teacher that it is.
Patience is the key that will unlock the door to your entire path.
_/\_ Hugs and Metta _/\_
This moment this breath
‘Thoughts, feelings and memories from the day of my surgery.’
Ready to go?
Indeed.
This moment this breath
Bright lights
Cold room
Warm faces.
This moment this breath
No expectations
No attachments.
Any questions?
Shakes head
Ready to go to sleep?
Confirming smile
This moment this breath
Om tare tuttare ture…
Michael can you hear me?
Open your eyes.
Laying vulnerable
Ego scared and shattered
Searching
Grasping.
Breathe baby!
Gasps at life
Clouded eyes.
Aware
This moment this breath
Finding comfort
Trusting hands
Familiar voices.
Keep breathing baby!
I love you honey
Michael
Look at me,
Surgery went well
You did great
Rest now.
Comforting words
Warm tears
This moment this breath
Happy
Content
I lay with pain.
Eyes closed
Mind fovever open
So grateful
This moment this breath
Hugs and metta to you all.
_/\_ Michael _/\_
It’s nothing personal
So what do you want to dwell on in life? What is it going to solve for you? Is it going to cure you of suffering, make you feel better in any way, help you find inner peace? Not even a little.
For the past year my health has been going downhill. On top of already having compressed discs in my back, frequent migraines and a long term battle with depression, my heart decides it wants to add its self to the mix. I can usually deal with a lot. Meditate through most. Acknowledge and let go of some more. But once in a while I would just get hit so hard with everything at once it would set me into a downward spiral bringing on a bought of depression ,anxiety, and feelings of woe is me.
About seven months ago my heart decided it wanted to take over the battle and drain me of everything I enjoyed. It made working difficult. Took away hiking, cycling, and even made simple things like walking a tremendous feat of strength and will. So what keeps me going? Acceptance, Mindfulness, Meditating, and constantly reminding myself that Suffering IS NOT Personal. I would repeat this over and over. Tweet about it. Talk about it. And even fall asleep repeating again and again in my head.
Suffering isn’t personal. We all suffer in some way or another. And when you can learn to accept this and let go of the attachment to what you think is personal, you can begin to learn from it and even become grateful for it. When you look at suffering with a close mind and a narrow point of view, it’s like a massive river, waiting to drown you in its’ destructive current. But when you learn to let go, to accept, you start to see it for what it truly is. Just a gentle drop of water with the ability to promote growth or the ability to be absorbed by the river. It’s outcome is your choice.
My heart issue became a matter of life or death and thankfully, with having surgery this coming Friday, I have a 95% chance of returning to a healthy being, continue on living, support my family, and getting back to doing the things I enjoy. For this I am extremely grateful. But that’s not the only reason. By not taking this personal, it allowed me to see some other lessons that were being taught. It has given me a new outlook on life. Has completely obliterated my depression and has brought my family closer than it has ever been. It’s taught me to be even more mindful of each moment. To wake up in the morning and appreciate every breath. And has inspired me to find peace and ease in even the most unpleasant of times. Should I have been able to awaken to these things without such a stern lesson? Who knows? Who cares? Some answers just don’t make any difference.
What I do know is that I am grateful. That every person learns the same things in different ways, and this was just the way that I needed to learn this particular lesson. I am merely life’s disciple, and I am so happy that it has taken the time to teach me. Please don’t take suffering personal. We all suffer. It’s not about you. It’s not about me. We are merely reflections of one another. Ripples upon water. Learn to accept, to love, to let go, to be mindful and to be grateful for each and every moment for there is a lesson waiting in each as long as we are willing to open up and learn.
May we approach each and every moment, even the unpleasant ones, with an open mind full of peace and may we be at ease. Hugs and Metta to all.
_/\_ Michael _/\_
