Unplug
The more I get out to walk, the more I notice how many people tune out life and all that surrounds them. Whether they are walking, jogging, cycling or even strolling along with their dogs, they seem compelled to have headphones on drowning out everything.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy music, but I also enjoy the sounds of life around me. Listening to the breeze rustle through the leaves. Hearing birds chirp in the distance. A bark of a dog or the friendly hello of a passer by.
Why would you want to shelter yourself from all of this?
You can’t run away from your thoughts, so stop trying. If you want to clear your head, acknowledge your thoughts and then let go. Be aware of your surroundings and be mindful of each moment Now.
Stop drowning out life with music. Let life be your music. Breathe it in deeply and be grateful for each breath. Its OK to unplug.
May you find freedom within yourself and set your mind at ease. Hugs and metta.
Michael _/\_
Out of control
So how many times a day do you think you are actually in control of something? I try to remind myself that the idea of being in control of anything is merely a delusion. Honestly, what are we really ever in control over? Nothing.
Before surgery, I was always able to regulate my heart rate by slowing my breath and being focused. It was a great way to help relax me and worked wonders with my anxiety. Was I really in control? No. But it definitely made me feel comfortable in times of need. Since surgery my heart rate is much faster and no matter how hard I try to focus and slow my breath, there is no way I can slow or regulate my heart rate.
Last night I let this feeling of not being in control get the best of me. I’ve been having a hard time sleeping lately, not that I was ever a great sleeper to begin with, but this past week its been pretty bleek. Anyways, no matter how hard I tried to fall asleep it wasn’t happening. My body was exhausted, but my mind was wide awake. I started to feel uneasy and my heart began to race. I tried everything I could to relax, but it only made things worse. I began having episodes of anxiety and was very upset with myself. Anxiety lead to fear and my fear lead to anger. My monkey mind was racing and I was so upset, that not only was I allowing myself to get this way, but I was keeping my wife up as well.
Finally after too many hours of this, exhaustion took over and I finally fell asleep. Three hours later I was up. I promised myself I would not let the night affect my day. I let go of as much as I could and allowed the remaining thoughts to work out what they needed. It wasn’t easy. Honestly it was quite the struggle but such is.
We all have shitty days, shitty nights. We all let thoughts and feelings get the best of us. It doesn’t mean we fell off our path. It doesn’t mean we are fucked up. It just means we are human. I hate using that analogy because too many, I feel, use being human as an excuse. That’s not what I am doing here. But sometimes we need to remind ourselves that that’s exactly what we are. Human. We’re not superheros, we’re not Gods. We are just people that have good moments and bad moments. Shit happens and its OK. Its not personal. Don’t hang on to these unpleasant moments. Let go and breathe. The path you walk isn’t always smooth, at times it can get quite rocky. Its OK to stumble. Its even OK to fall. Just remember to get back up, brush it off and continue on.
Loving others is a wonderful thing and sometimes very easy, but we need to love ourselves as well. No matter how hard that may seem.
Hugs and metta.
_/\_ Michael _/\_
Not easy, but worth it
Sit around your house all day recovering from surgery and your monkey mind can sure try to get the best of you.
Yesterday I was sent to the ER at the local hospital to get checked out since I was experiencing some chills and a slight fever. I wasn’t thrilled about being in a place that was riddled with germs and sick people. While there I started to get a bit anxious and felt judging eyes upon me. After a little while of feeling uncomfortable I decided to check myself. We can all sit there and point blame at others for the way they are “making us feel” and how we think they are looking at us, or we can question our thoughts. Are others truly making us feel any differently? Highly unlikely.
What was making me feel uncomfortable and uneasy was myself. I let many thoughts wander around in my head and build upon each other. I then let those thoughts turn into judgements and labels. Pointing out at the nurses and doctors that weren’t giving me the attention I thought I needed or the answers I felt I deserved. We question many things in life, but the one thing we need to take time to question most often is ourselves. These doctors were giving me as much attention as they felt needed and answers aren’t always going to solve our problems anyways. After taking a step back from my monkey mind I could see how busy every one was. The ER was packed and the doctors were completely stressed. I then started to imagine myself in their shoes. Running around trying to figure out what was wrong with people. Trying to answer everyone questions and also trying to make them feel as comfortable as they could. I couldn’t imagine the amount of stress they must deal with. I prayed for them.
Before you label and judge others and let your mind wander, check your self. Question your thoughts before they become actions. Imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes. Think about what they must be going through, what thoughts are running through their minds. It’s easy to point the finger of blame at others. But what we need to do is point that finger within. Even if you feel it is not your fault, drive all blame onto you. Take that negativity and breathe it in and exhale some positive compassion. We all wish for change, so be that change.
I know I post a lot of positive and I often get a response from people telling me “it’s not that easy” or “easier said that done”. You know what? They’re right. It’s not easy. At times it can be the hardest things to do. Today I have been sitting here trying to convince myself that I am not turning into a hypochondriac. I’ve never had surgery before and am usually a very healthy active individual. Now all I do is sit on my ass experiencing signs and symptoms of a body recovering from a major surgery. My heart palpitates sometimes. My blood pressure drops. I can’t get up and do the things I wish to do. I’ve had fevers and chills, wounds that are taking their sweet time healing and now I am having bouts of blurred vision with flashes of light. It’s completely nerve-racking. But the only reason it is, is because I am letting it get to me. I am thinking too much and letting my thoughts wander and build.
So no, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Don’t let your mind get the best of you. I tweeted last night that “There is no prison stronger than the walls of a closed mind.” Like many of my tweets, it was a reminder to myself. Only you can make yourself feel trapped. And only you can set your mind free. So try. It wont always be easy. It may sometimes leave you i tears. And if you feel you have no where or no one to turn to, know that I am here for you and that I know, I truly know what you are going through. So let’s get through it all together. We all walk the same path, so why not at times, hold hands.
Breathe and remember, it’s about this moment and this breath. Always focus on that. If you remain focused on this moment and this breath then there is no room for fear, only love. May you find your peace and put your mind at ease.
Hugs and metta
_/\_ Michael _/\_
The Key
Patience to me isn’t just a virtue but it’s an act.
One that can be practiced and applied to each and every moment.
It can guide you through forgiveness and lead you to acceptance.
It can ease your mind and bring you peace.
So why do we try so hard to rush?
We have all the time we will ever need if we learn to truly live and be mindful of each moment.
So take a step back.
Breathe a little deeper,
and learn to accept patience for the great teacher that it is.
Patience is the key that will unlock the door to your entire path.
_/\_ Hugs and Metta _/\_
This moment this breath
‘Thoughts, feelings and memories from the day of my surgery.’
Ready to go?
Indeed.
This moment this breath
Bright lights
Cold room
Warm faces.
This moment this breath
No expectations
No attachments.
Any questions?
Shakes head
Ready to go to sleep?
Confirming smile
This moment this breath
Om tare tuttare ture…
Michael can you hear me?
Open your eyes.
Laying vulnerable
Ego scared and shattered
Searching
Grasping.
Breathe baby!
Gasps at life
Clouded eyes.
Aware
This moment this breath
Finding comfort
Trusting hands
Familiar voices.
Keep breathing baby!
I love you honey
Michael
Look at me,
Surgery went well
You did great
Rest now.
Comforting words
Warm tears
This moment this breath
Happy
Content
I lay with pain.
Eyes closed
Mind fovever open
So grateful
This moment this breath
Hugs and metta to you all.
_/\_ Michael _/\_
It’s nothing personal
So what do you want to dwell on in life? What is it going to solve for you? Is it going to cure you of suffering, make you feel better in any way, help you find inner peace? Not even a little.
For the past year my health has been going downhill. On top of already having compressed discs in my back, frequent migraines and a long term battle with depression, my heart decides it wants to add its self to the mix. I can usually deal with a lot. Meditate through most. Acknowledge and let go of some more. But once in a while I would just get hit so hard with everything at once it would set me into a downward spiral bringing on a bought of depression ,anxiety, and feelings of woe is me.
About seven months ago my heart decided it wanted to take over the battle and drain me of everything I enjoyed. It made working difficult. Took away hiking, cycling, and even made simple things like walking a tremendous feat of strength and will. So what keeps me going? Acceptance, Mindfulness, Meditating, and constantly reminding myself that Suffering IS NOT Personal. I would repeat this over and over. Tweet about it. Talk about it. And even fall asleep repeating again and again in my head.
Suffering isn’t personal. We all suffer in some way or another. And when you can learn to accept this and let go of the attachment to what you think is personal, you can begin to learn from it and even become grateful for it. When you look at suffering with a close mind and a narrow point of view, it’s like a massive river, waiting to drown you in its’ destructive current. But when you learn to let go, to accept, you start to see it for what it truly is. Just a gentle drop of water with the ability to promote growth or the ability to be absorbed by the river. It’s outcome is your choice.
My heart issue became a matter of life or death and thankfully, with having surgery this coming Friday, I have a 95% chance of returning to a healthy being, continue on living, support my family, and getting back to doing the things I enjoy. For this I am extremely grateful. But that’s not the only reason. By not taking this personal, it allowed me to see some other lessons that were being taught. It has given me a new outlook on life. Has completely obliterated my depression and has brought my family closer than it has ever been. It’s taught me to be even more mindful of each moment. To wake up in the morning and appreciate every breath. And has inspired me to find peace and ease in even the most unpleasant of times. Should I have been able to awaken to these things without such a stern lesson? Who knows? Who cares? Some answers just don’t make any difference.
What I do know is that I am grateful. That every person learns the same things in different ways, and this was just the way that I needed to learn this particular lesson. I am merely life’s disciple, and I am so happy that it has taken the time to teach me. Please don’t take suffering personal. We all suffer. It’s not about you. It’s not about me. We are merely reflections of one another. Ripples upon water. Learn to accept, to love, to let go, to be mindful and to be grateful for each and every moment for there is a lesson waiting in each as long as we are willing to open up and learn.
May we approach each and every moment, even the unpleasant ones, with an open mind full of peace and may we be at ease. Hugs and Metta to all.
_/\_ Michael _/\_
What are you grasping at?
Let go.
I can’t.
Let go!
I said I can’t
What are you grasping at?
I don’t know.
Then let go.
It’s not that easy.
Yes it is.
Then help me.
I can’t.
Why not?
Cause only you can let go.
But it’s hard.
Only the thought of it is hard.
Why is it so hard?
Because you’re attached.
SO, what’s wrong with being attached?
Attachment causes you to suffer.
But I don’t want to suffer.
Then let go.
But it took me so long to grow.
It’s only hair.
Funny the things that we become attached to.
How the attachment can cause us suffering.
How we know the cure to our suffering.
Yet we continue to grasp.
May we all learn to truly let go.
Metta to you and yours.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Born again?…Nah
So I bumped into an old “friend” whom I haven’t spoken with in almost 20 years. He was pretty much the same as I remembered him. Cocky, sarcastic, egotistical, a punk ass. We shared a few words and he obviously noticed I was not who I once was and then asked me, quite bluntly and rude, “What are you, some fuckin born again?!” At that I smiled, actually chuckled inside and said it was nice seeing him but I had to run.
Now I guess for you to understand this at all I have to share a bit of who I used to be some 15-20 years ago. Let’s just say I wasn’t always a kind person. Actually I was pretty much an asshole. I hated everyone I met and myself even more. I was a thief, a liar, a stupid ass worthless punk. I lived for confrontation and never thought once, let alone twice, about throwin a fist at you. I acted out of rage and my best friend was depression. I was a disease. A walking infestation of hate and self-pity. I took no responsibility for my actions. Blamed everyone but myself for the way my life was and the things I got in trouble for. Looking back on my life I can honestly say that I cannot believe I am still alive.
So what happened? Change. One day approximately 15 years ago I was able to find enough clarity in my thick skull to realize that I truly hated who I was and where my life wasn’t leading. I hated knowing that I hurt so many beings. I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror and wanted to die. Odd thing was, that the more I thought about death, the more I realized that it wasn’t the answer I was looking for. I needed to change. I wanted to change. I really wanted to change. People always tried to offer me advice and help me through out those years but I never listened. As much as I hated who I was, I wasn’t gonna let someone else tell me what I needed to do. That’s the funny thing about this life. We can hear all we want about changing who we are. We can read books, go to church, find a guru, pay some shrink some ridiculous amount of money to listen to us whine, but in the end, the only one who can ever change us is us. And we don’t need a fucking thing to do it. Everything we need to change is within, we just need to want it.
I don’t regret my past and don’t try to forget it. It was a valuable lesson in my life and has taught me a great deal about who I was, who I have become and what I can accomplish when I live with an open and compassionate mind. Am I born again? Nah. I just learned that if you don’t like who you are or how you feel, you can actually do something about it. So don’t dwell on your past. Don’t get caught up on self-pity. If you want change, make change happen. No one is going to do it for you. Honestly, they can’t. Only you can. So stop pointing fingers. Stop whining. Tell depression to fuck off. Open your mind. Let go and to all who think they just can’t do it. Wake the fuck up. Apologies for the cursed tongue but some times we all need a slap in the face. If I can change so can you. Trust me, living a life mindfully, full of loving compassion towards all beings, is so much happier and benefits so many.
May we realize that we all suffer. May we discover the origin of our suffering, learn that we can cease this suffering and start walking a path to its’ end. As always, much metta to you and yours.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Dukkha kicked my ass.
Today started out well enough. Had a few hiccups but nothing that couldn’t be easily overcome and turned into positive energy. As the day progressed, so did my obstacles. Little by little I was getting punched in the face, hit in gut and kicked in the ass by dukkha and it got harder and harder to maintain and keep up that positive energy.
One instance that really knocked me for a loop happened right before the cake topper. I was sitting in my brother’s car, since mine is still in the shop, waiting on the side of the road for him so we could head to a customers house we had to design a kitchen for. I had a rough idea where the house was but wasn’t sure exactly so I found a shady spot on the side of a well-traveled back road under a tree to sit and wait. I sat there with the car running and my hazards on so people wouldn’t think it was strange and made sure I didn’t park in front of anyone’s house. Unfortunately though a few people weren’t pleased by my appearance and what I wasn’t doing I guess, so they circled around a few times making awkward stares. Not soon after the police showed up and I was being questioned for being some kind of stalker. Seriously people, are we as human beings, so thin-skinned now a days that if we see someone on the side of the road with hazards on, that instead of asking if they may need assistance that we instead call the cops and complain about them being a potential stalker. Who the fuck was I stalking?! The squirrels. And yes, all stalkers sit in running cars in broad daylight with their hazards on. It really hit me in the stomach and made me quite sad, not to mention, it definitely brought my spirits down right as I’m about to go meet a customer.
Well, having no choice, I had to let go fast, or at least try to so I could sit and put my design face on. But here comes the cake topper. As I am working with our clients my phone rings and who is it? My mechanic. And what good news does he have for me? None. My car is not worth fixing and even if I thought it was, which I don’t, I don’t have the money to fix it. So now I have no car. Awesome. Seems I stepped in more dukkha. Gotta wipe it off, put on a smile and get back to my customer and her kitchen.
Now I know these obstacles are trivial in the grand scheme of things, and I know that I should just let go and that I also have a choice as to whether or how I let them affect me. But sometimes, even when mindful of your attachment to unwanted feelings, it is very hard to stop grasping that hot coal. As I sit here typing this I am torn between shedding a tear or sharing a chuckle. There are always going to be times when we get our asses handed to us by Ms. Dukkha. And sometimes those times are gonna want to stick with us and make us feel like shit. I don’t know what I’m going to do about a car at the moment. We live, for the most part, week by week, and this will definitely put a dent in any money we have squirreled away but such is. And as far as Mr. and Mrs. Insecure, well, honestly, who knows what they were thinking. Maybe they had children at home, maybe the last time a car was parked on the side of the road someone had their house broken into. I don’t know their reasoning and honestly I don’t care. Truly there was no harm done. The only way it will cause me any harm is if I hold onto it. So I’m letting go. And now as I type these last few sentences I have decided that sharing a chuckle at my car dilemma is much more beneficial to me too. We always find a way and I know, in the end it will all work out. I don’t work far from home and it’s summer. Biking is always an option for the time being.
So the next time Dukkha kicks your ass, take your punches, get back on your feet and wipe the shit off your pants. It’s only going to affect you if you choose to let it. I hope everyone has enjoyed their day and wish you all a wonderful weekend. May we truly live with an open mind and laugh in the face of Dukkha.
Much metta to you and yours.
_/|\_Michael_/|\_
Putting practice into practice.
After work today I decided to head to Home Depot and pick up an air conditioner for my bedroom. After loading it into my car I sat down in the driver’s seat as usual and turned my key. Unfortunately, my car would not start. I checked my fuses and did the normal once over that I could and found nothing out of the ordinary. I picked up my cell phone and called for a ride and then decided to sit and meditate in my hot car. I thought back to my lojong training and one particular point came to mind and I would like to share it with you now. Some of you may know it already. The point I am referring to and the text below it are taken from one of my favorite books by Chogyam Trungpa called: Training the Mind and Cultivating Loving-Kindness. I hope you enjoy and may it help you as it has helped me so many times.
If you can practice even when distracted, you are well-trained.
“…The idea of this slogan is the realization that whenever situations of a ordianry nature or extraordinary nature come up – our pot boils over, or our steak is turned into charcoal, or our car wont start (ok, I added that one, shhh), or suddenly we slip and lose our grasp – a sudden memory of awareness should take place. Jamgon Kongtrul’s commentary talks about a well-trained, powerful horse who loses his balance and suddenly regains it again through losing it. And the sutras talk about the bodhisattva’s actions being like those of a well-trained athlete who slips on a slippery surface and in the process of slipping regains his or her balance by using the force of the slipping process. It is similar, I suppose, to skiing, where you use the force that goes down and let yourself slide down through the snow – suddenly you gain attention and develop balance out of that.
… The main point is not to let yourself be wounded by the fangs of neurosis, the fangs of the kleshas.”
I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope that next time something arises or some obstacle falls in your path that you can take control of the moment and react mindfully. Things in life aren’t out to get us, we just sometimes think they are. They are merely testing us and giving us great opportunities to put our practice into practice.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_Michael_/|\_
Self Cherishing for $1000 please Alex
Standing outside on my front lawn with other tenants while fireman inspect the building for the cause of the carbon monoxide alarm going off in lady’s apartment, when one of my neighbors comes up to me and says so snottily, “She probably just never changed the batteries. Now she has me sitting out here wasting my time.”
Honestly, my first reaction was to smack her. But that’s not the way I am. I just walked away in silence and joined my other neighbors. But seriously folks, what’s up with all the people putting themselves on pedestals? Everyday I hear people constantly complaining. Complaining about the dumbest things as if this world was created just to cater to their needs and no one else’s. Oh my god, my cell phone wont get a signal. Oh my god, my hair looks like shit. Oh my god it’s just too humid, couldn’t it be a little bit cooler. Oh my god, my car needs gas again and they keep raising the prices on me. Me me me me me me me me me me. The self cherishing has got to stop people. Do you really think that highly of yourself that you honestly feel everything should be the way you want it to be. And even if it was, you would still find something to bitch about or someone to point blame at. If you think “God” hates you and that is why you’re always late for work, or that is why your wife doesn’t listen to you, then you seriously need to Shut the fuck up.
I’m not trying to come of like an ass. And I am definitely not saying that everything in my life is perfect. What I’m saying is life is life. Don’t you remember the damn song? “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have, the facts of life. Yes the facts of life.” Not everything is going to go according to the way you want it. But that doesn’t mean life is out to get you. It means absolutely nothing. It’s your ego. Your self cherishing. You’re, I am better than everyone and life is all about me attitude that is passing judgement and labeling each and every fucking thing as bad or good and right or wrong. Life is not that black and white. So the next time you have to change your plans because something else came up that is, actually more important, instead of saying “see, this is why I never make plans, cause shit never goes the way I want it to.” Just fucking breath. Take a step back and look at the big picture. The whole picture. That includes every being, every moment, all the good times, all the bad times. Look around you and you will see that there are billions of beings sharing the same air you breath and you need to respect them and each moment instead of focusing on just me me me me me me.
How can you ever find happiness when all you are constantly pointing out are the negatives. There are so many wonderful things in this life to be happy about. Sure, we live in samsara. Sure we suffer. But WE ALL suffer, and suffering IS NOT personal. So stop taking it that way. If life had no obstacles, no hiccups, no speed bumps to slow us down what type of person would be. There is an african proverb that states, “Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.” How can we grow as beings if it not tested?
So please, before I make this post any longer than I intended for it to be, stop the me me me attitude. Stop pointing blame at others to justify your own lame ass ego. Stop spreading so much damn negativity around in an already negative world. If you don’t like things the way they are then change. But get the fuck off that self cherishing pedestal, cause honestly, you don’t belong there.
May each one of us see clearly through open eyes and open mind and spread about positive energy to all we cross paths with.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_Michael_/|\_
An afternoon poem.
A gentle breeze
A touch of sun,
I take off my shirt
And all the women run.
I like to joke
As you can see,
Because your laughter and smiles
Mean the world to me.
Our lives are filled with ups and downs
But don’t go around wearing a frown,
Cuase in the end you will see
Mindful and loving is the way to be.
I am not a poet and now you know it. But honestly, keep smiling and laughing. The bad times are just as impermanent as the good times.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Right Actions
So the other night my wife and were out walking our dog Chloe when a car drove by and the passenger decided to hang out the window and yell “Nice fucking hair faggot!” I was totally taken by surprise and didn’t think before I acted. I immediately flipped him off and waved him to stop and confront me, but of course, as I expected he just drove away increasing his speed. My wife laughed at me and said, “Serioulsy honey, what would have done if he stopped?” She’s right. Probably nothing at all.
All night it ate at me though. So I decided to sit and think about what it was that was actually bothering me. As you can tell, I’m not your “normal” human being and I’m pretty used to rude remarks and gestures. So what was it that was bothering me so much. After several hours of pondering I came to the conclusion that it was my actions that was eating at me. I was very upset that even after more than 10 years of practice my immediate action was to stoop to his level. Why? Why, after all these years was that still me first reaction? Am I no better than him?
I’m still not sure what exactly it was that made me respond the way I did. Maybe the shock of it all. Maybe because I was with Jen. Honestly I am still not sure. But what that instance did teach me was that even when we think we are on our way to some enlightened state of mind we need to constantly keep ourselves in check. We need to think before we act and speak. I am very grateful for that man and his words. He was a guru in disguise. A little test that I half failed. I say half, cause I saw the lesson and have learned from it. I can only hope that next time a situation like this arises I respond with Right Action, not ego.
To the person that said those words I offer to you all my love and compassion. You have taught me a great deal about myself and I only hope that one day you find happiness within and grow into a loving being.
I say it over and over and now, as you can see, it is to constantly remind myself as well.. May we approach all obstacles in our lives with an open and compassionate mind.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Karma Control.
So my son and I were discussing karma this morning and he asked a question to which I then in return asked a question and am curious as to what my readers think as well. Here was our conversation:
Son – “so dad, if 2 people were arguing on the second floor and one shot the other in the foot and the bullet passed through said foot, through the floor and killed the person on the first floor, is that karma?”
Me – “Yes, karma is simply cause and effect. The question to you though, who’s karma was it? Was it the person who fired the gun, the one who got shot in the foot, the one who died, the family of the one who died, someone we don’t even know about, or all of them?”
So, to my fellow few readers, 
what is your take? Please leave your comments and/or questions below. Thanks
Don’t Wallow
Motivation is lacking. Balance a usual struggle. Pushing away feelings of depression. Why all this mush? My only guess is I’m working through some karma. Sure that sounds fine and dandy and all but it doesn’t pay my bills. It doesn’t help my brother, whom I am partners in business with finish deadlines and get to jobs we have lined up on time. Yes we all get sick and yes my flu is miniscule compared to the problems around the world and the illnesses that others suffer from, and yes suffering is not personal. But I still can’t help to feel a bit helpless. I’m not gonna wallow in self-pity and this isn’t a ‘please comment to make me feel better’ post. I’m not looking for attention. I’m just letting go of some feelings. Acknowledging my thoughts and letting them pass. A lot of people think they need to repress unwanted thoughts, even run from them. That will never help you. Let your thoughts come to mind. Even say hello to them. But then, as quickly as they arrived, say goodbye and let them go. Do not get attached. You hold onto a beautiful balloon and then it suddenly pops. This causes more suffering. You hold onto a hot iron and it burns you. This also causes more suffering. Michael. Just let go and let be.
I choose to use these two pictures I took when hiking once with my son. They kind of express how I feel and how I can feel at the same time. They can be interpreted as depressing, foggy, dark. Or they can be seen as beautiful, flowing, life. It’s our choice on how we decide to see things. To interpret things.
May we all choose to see things open and clear. _/|\_ Michael
Misguided by Poison
Witnessing both of my children being born and watching them grow from infant to present day I came to a few clear understandings. The first is that almost all beings are born out of love and full of such love. I say almost all because I don’t feel that children “farmed” for sale or animals “farmed” for meat are born out of compassion. Not looking for a debate just stating my own personal opinion. Anyways. Another understanding I have come to grow and watch and not too fond of accepting is that even while being raised with equal love and guidance, two children can grow to be such different beings.
I am proud to have the opportunity to be a father of two beautiful children and I love them both with all my heart. What is sometimes hard to accept and swallow is the fact that no matter how much I guide and teach, one of these two children is letting ignorance guide them along what will be a very long, lonely and obstacle filled path. I look back and wonder what I might have done to start them along this path. Did I yell too loud once, did I say something about someone that was interpreted the wrong way by my child? I can only sit and wonder. As time passes and I watch the ignorance continue to grow I wonder how many other beings in this world are the same.
In Buddhism they say Ignorance is one of the three mental poisons where as desirous attachment and hatred be the other two. As you can see in the picture above they symbolize this by using a pig, a pigeon and a snake. The pig depicts ignorance, the pigeon; desirous attachment and the snake; hatred. The pigeon and the snake are coming out of the mouth of the pig indicating that attachment and hatred come from ignorance and they are formed in a circle to represent that they are all mutually dependent on another. So with this being said, if you let go of your ignorance, your desirous attachment and hatred would soon pass accordingly. Now try teaching that to a teenager. Try teaching that to any being so caught up in their ignorance. Shit, I can’t even teach myself, for at times I too struggle with the three poisons.
I guess what I am trying to understand by writing this is what happens in a being that is born of, and full of, compassion to lead them down a path of ignorance? Why and how can one child be so full of love and commit numerous daily acts of selfless love for others while the other is all me me me? What can a parent do? What can one being do to help another. It kills me inside to watch this. Not only as a parent watching their child sink deeper into the depths of samsara but to watch it happen all around. How can we as beings imagine a world of peace and love when so many are poisoned? I know I can’t change the world and I know I cannot force my child to see where this poison is leading them, but then what can I do?
If you can lead a person to knowledge but can’t make them think, is one only to sit by and wait? Is there nothing another can do to help but love and offer compassion? As a parent I try hard to teach karma to my children. I show them that their choices, whether word or action have consequences and like throwing a rock into the middle of the lake the ripples will, over time, reach them. I try to remind them of past lessons and try to help guide their choices without forcing anything upon them. But yet it saddens me to see them fall. To see one understand while the other suffers, gets frustrated and then points blame and lies to try to take the focus off of them as if this will make it go away.
Watching all that is going on in Egypt and all over the world, seeing people in everyday situations choosing to act and speak through ignorance instead of taking the time to understand and love makes me wonder if we will ever be at peace. Until we begin to look within and face ourselves, until we being to understand what it means to truly let go and until we begin to rid ourselves of poison, do we ever stand a chance?
In these days of fierce storms both by weather and by man, I hope and pray that all are safe. Sending heavy metta to you all. _/|\_ Michael
May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.
May all beings remain free from suffering and the cause of suffering.
May all beings remain unseperated from the sacred joy and happiness that is totally free from sorrow.
May all beings come to rest in the boundless and all-inclusive equanimity that is beyond attachment and aversion.
May all beings be happy, content, and fulfilled.
May all be peaceful, harmonious, and at ease.
May all be protected from harm and fear.
May all have whatever they want, need and aspire to.
May all be healed and whole.
May this planet be healed and whole.
May all beings awaken from the sleep of illusion.
May all beings be awakened, delivered, liberated and free.
May all realize their true nature and awaken to the Buddha within.
May all equally enjoy, actualize, and embody the innate Great Perfection.
Gone, Gone, Gone beyond.
This morning a friend of mine has passed. Although she, for many years has suffered from Chron’s disease, this came as quite a shock. I never had the opportunity to meet her face to face but have shared a great deal online. I wish I could continue to talk, share and laugh with her some more. She will remain in my heart and be remembered and missed. The last words I read were posted by her mother, which read:
Jan 28 My daughter Sadie went in surgery to repair complications she’s been battling with from crohns disease, unfortunately she’s not responding or improving. She’s been moved to a hospice closer to her family. Thank you all for the love and support you are showing our family.
Feb 1, 2011 – 3am this morning surrounded by family and friends Sadie entered the kingdom of heaven. At this dark time remember a life filled with love. God bless – Ann
Live well. Love well. Be well. My heart to Sadie’s family and my love and metta to you and yours. _/|\_ Michael
Body is nothing more than emptiness,
emptiness is nothing more than body.
The body is exactly empty,
and emptiness is exactly body.
The other four aspects of human existence –
feeling, thought, will, and consciousness –
are likewise nothing more than emptiness,
and emptiness nothing more than they.
All things are empty:
Nothing is born, nothing dies,
nothing is pure, nothing is stained,
nothing increases and nothing decreases.
So, in emptiness, there is no body,
no feeling, no thought,
no will, no consciousness.
There are no eyes, no ears,
no nose, no tongue,
no body, no mind.
There is no seeing, no hearing,
no smelling, no tasting,
no touching, no imagining.
There is nothing seen, nor heard,
nor smelled, nor tasted,
nor touched, nor imagined.
There is no ignorance,
and no end to ignorance.
There is no old age and death,
and no end to old age and death.
There is no suffering, no cause of suffering,
no end to suffering, no path to follow.
There is no attainment of wisdom,
and no wisdom to attain.
The Bodhisattvas rely on the Perfection of Wisdom,
and so with no delusions,
they feel no fear,
and have Nirvana here and now.
All the Buddhas,
past, present, and future,
rely on the Perfection of Wisdom,
and live in full enlightenment.
The Perfection of Wisdom is the greatest mantra.
It is the clearest mantra,
the highest mantra,
the mantra that removes all suffering.
This is truth that cannot be doubted.
Say it so:
Gaté,
gaté,
paragaté,
parasamgaté.
Bodhi!
Svaha!
Which means…
Gone,
gone,
gone over,
gone fully over.
Awakened!
So be it!
Daily Wisdom
My kids bought be a desktop Zen calendar consisting of 365 days of wisdom. I especially enjoyed yesterdays words and would like to share them with you.
Do not judge or criticize others.
Just be at ease and go on mindlessly like a simpleton or a fool.
Or, be like one who is struck deaf and dumb.
Spend your life as if you cannot hear a thing, or like an infant.
Then, sooner or later, all delusion will disappear.
Metta to you. Peace. Michael
_/|\_
Bundles and Heaps
I know there is no “self” but lately I am struggling with who that self is. I’ve always had a hard time with maintaining balance and walking the middle road so to speak. Depression has always been my curse for I think too much and label myself and question myself constantly. When I know I need to let go I tend to just grasp more. I fear I am making wrong choices and not doing everything I can to be of help to others. Recently my ego has kicked it up a notch and I seem to be grasping for a person I once was. It felt “right” but as time passed so did the feeling. I guess it’s like how many search for external happiness. When you don’t look within everything else is, and will always be temporary. I thought I was past this part of me. I thought I have grown and deepened my understanding for what it truly means to “exist”. But I seem to only grow more and more lost. I didn’t like where my recent path was heading and thankfully I was clear enough to catch myself before I wandered off too far. Why do I keep trying to hold on to someone I used to be? What is it I need to do to truly let go? It’s so funny typing that question because I know the answer. But then why if I know the answer is it so hard for me to accept it and work with it? Why is it a constant battle to maintain balance?
It seems I don’t fully understand and am at constant conflict with the five skandhas, even though I do understnad and try so hard not to be. I am always trying to justify this form. Always confusing consciousness with awareness. It seems that as much as I can’t stand others placing labels or judgments on me, that’s all I seem to do to myself. I am constantly trying to solidify and place some kind of label on this self. Trying so hard to solidify what is not solid.
Ever since I was a young teen I always had to be this or that. If I listened to one genre of music than my whole personality had to reflect that genre and I could not get myself to listen to something different. I struggled like this for years. Always an extremist and always fighting for balance that I could never seem to find. As I grew older and thankfully changed in many ways I still struggled. I don’t know what it is about certain things but it gets frustrating at times. I look at this latest venture off my path as a lesson. Even though I strayed and grasped like a hungry ghost, I was clear enough to recognize it and the uncomfortable feelings it was leaving inside of me. There are so many lessons in life. Some you realize and learn from immediately, while others you have to marinate in, to truly grasp what is going on and what it is you needed to learn.
I feel I need to start fresh to truly let go. Whether I truly need to or not is beyond me at this time, but sometimes one cannot move forward while still holding on to who or what they once were. So this is me letting go and moving on. And instead of fighting for balance I’m just gonna gingerly walk along my path open to all the lessons waiting ahead. I hope and ask that you approach any and all obstacles the same. May we be the ground for others to walk and feel safe upon.
Until again, Michael.
Metta to you. _/|\_
Trapped!
I have this tendency to get caught up. I don’t know why, been that way all my life. Every once in a while I just get this overwhelming feeling of being trapped. I try to focus, clear my head, breathe, but no matter what I do I just seem to lose my way. I grasp at nothing and analyze everything. Feelings of sadness, anger and hatred start to fill my head. When I try to shake free of these feelings new ones arise. Frustration kicks in and my once wide, peaceful path has now become a tight rope stretching across a pit of unwanted emotions. I start to question my faith, my beliefs. The pains of samsara start to pulse through my veins like poison. I’m at wit’s end, standing at the edge of the cliff looking over the side.
Why do I think this way? Why do I put myself through this. I can sum it up for you in a way a very dear friend summed it up to me when I reached out and asked him for his thoughts. The wisdom he gave me was simple, to the point and has been something I read to myself every morning. He said:
Remember when I say, my prison is the exact circumference of my head. Don’t get trapped in there.
How often do we allow ourselves to get trapped within our own minds. We have all the suffering and all the answers to our suffering within. But for some reason we tend to favor the pain over the solution to it. When I feel as if I am trapped, I say this aloud. The only person who is trapping me is myself. The place I am trapped in is my own head. I often tell my children and others to breath and just be. It is easy to say when you are embracing the happiness within. It is much harder to do when you are grasping at the solidity of self and trying to put meaning and answers to something that is both full of and without either.
I guess the point I’m trying to make with this post is, don’t get caught up. It doesn’t feel good. Letting go may sound hard. You may think that it wont help, but it will. Think of a time when you just felt pure happiness. I bet it felt so damn good. Everything just fit into place. You felt free, clear, at peace with yourself and all that surrounded you. Why would anyone want to feel anything but that joy, that peace, that inner happiness? Are things always going to go as planned? NO. Will there be times of sorrow? I’m sure. But do we need to cling to them? Do we need to have these feelings hold us hostage in a prison of our own head? NO. It’s time to realize you have a choice. And I’m not just talking to you, but myself as well, for I’m sure I need to be reminded much more than any of you. We can choose to feel trapped, to feel imprisoned, or we can choose to let go and be free. To embrace happiness and feel light as air instead of having samsara pulling at our heals. For me, it’s time I truly let go. It’s time I choose happiness over sorrow and get up, brush the dirt up off me and continue down my beautiful path. Will there be obstacles? Absolutely. But I’m not going to be taken a prisoner anymore.
May you all break free of the chains of your own prison.
My love and Metta to you all.
Michael
Trophies
“So Billy.”
“Yes coach?”
“Why do you want to win so badly?”
“Cause I want that 1st place trophy! I don’t want to come in 2nd or 3rd and get one of the small trophies.”
“Getting that 1st place trophy will make me so happy! The others wont and I don’t want to be unhappy.”
“Plus, once I win my name will be in the paper! Everyone will know me! If I don’t win, it wont and no one will remember my name.”
“Wouldn’t that be great coach! Everyone will tell me how great I did! If I lose I can’t blame it on anyone. It will be all my fault.”
“So coach!”
“Yeah Billy?”
“You think I’m gonna win?”
“Billy, I’m afraid you have already lost.”
_______________________________________________________________________________
Don’t get yourself caught up in the Eight Worldly Dharmas. Be mindful of your Views, your Intentions, your Speech, your Actions, and your Motivation.
May we approach every moment in the present with an open and compassionate mind. May each moment be practice and may we practice in each moment. Open your mind, close your mouth and spread your arms to embrace all beings with pure loving kindness.
My love and metta to you and yours.
Michael
_/|\_
Acceptance
The results of Karma cannot be known by thought and
so should not be speculated about. Thus thinking, one
would come to distraction and distress. Therefore,
Ananda, do not be the judge of people; do not make
assumptions about others. A person is destroyed by
holding judgements about others.
From The Anguttara Nikaya
How true is this, especially the last sentence. How many people have we destroyed because of our judgements we held against them. How many relationships have we destroyed because of our misunderstanding and poor judgements. How can we assume we always know what the intentions and motivations are or were of the people we judge. Why is it that when we as beings constantly grasp at nothing and at times, sometimes more than we’d like to admit, are so shrouded by our ego that we do not truly know ourselves, we feel we can place judgement on another.
If you are married or in a relationship I want you to take a moment and look back at all the suffering you and your spouse or loved one have endured over the past years. I want you to truly look at these moments and then let go. Memories are there to teach us. They are the history of what once was and are now in the past. What you can take from these memories are lessons on how to let go and let be. Why do we need to let go and let be? Because what is the point of holding on?
Many years ago my wife and I struggled in our relationship and our life as we knew and grew to love almost came to a ubrupt end. We grasped at the good and held on even tighter to the bad. We constantly passed judgement on each other and swore we knew what the other was thinking. How can you be open to hear if your mind is closed by your bias opinions and ideas. You will never be able to see change in a person if you hold onto the way that person once was. So there we were, two egos battling it out to the end for what? We swore we knew, but the truth is, we had no idea. We were so used to passing judgement and placing labels on each other that most of the time we had no clue why we were even upset, we just felt we should be. We had extreme ups and extreme downs. Our marriage was a rollercoaster of doom and separation seemed to be its final destination.
Marriage counselors, friends, drugs, alcohol, running away, screaming, crying, nothing was gonna save us because we were too stubborn to see the truth. We had all the answers and we knew it. What were the answers? Acceptance. Forgiveness. Compassion. Honesty. Communication. Friendship. Oh, and did I mention Acceptance?
If you want any relationship to grow and blossom in life, whether it be with your lover, a friend, your neighbor, your boss, your children, whomever, you need to first accept them for who they are. People are different. Sure we are all one in the same, but we are also different. We share different beliefs, different likes and dislikes, etc. If you want to have a relationship in any way with any one you need to accept them for who they are. No judgements, No labels, and No trying to change them.
Next you need Forgiveness. We all make mistakes and yourself will probably be the one you need to forgive the most. As long as you possess the strength, the integrity and the humility to admit that you screwed up, then a mistake is only another lesson for which you can learn and benefit from.
Compassion, honesty, communication and friendship are the building blocks for relationships. On their own or together these four create a strong foundation for any commitment including the one you should be making with yourself. And yes, I did mention Acceptance twice. I feel this is the most important one of all. So many of us don’t accept others for who they are. By not accepting, we then pass judgement which then starts the wheels on the rollercoaster of doom. You want to be accepted. You want others to be kind to you. So be kind to others by showing them compassion and accepting them for who they are.
Now I’m not trying to say I know everything about relationships, because I do not. I only bring up this topic because today my wife and I celebrate our 15 year wedding anniversary. And we will both be the first to tell you, if it weren’t for learning to let go we would not have each other to hold today.
Unclench ego’s fist. Let go and let be. Accept and love with a pure heart and an open mind. Let the compassion from within be your guide on your path. The past is there to teach us, the future is not to worry about, but this moment, right now, is what you need to be most mindful about.
My love and much metta to you and yours.
To my beautiful wife Jennifer. I love you. Always have and always will.
Michael
A Cupful of Smiles
Went to my favorite coffee-house,
ordered a tall mild.
Took my cup to the side
and removed the lid.
To my surprise
What I was holding,
was not a cup of coffee,
but instead,
what I found inside was..
Friendship,
Laughter,
Conversation,
Love,
Sharing,
Togetherness,
Warmth,
and most of all,
A cupful of Smiles.
The littlest of things can make the biggest impressions on our souls.
May each one of us be mindful of the little things in life.
My love and metta to you.
Michael
_/|\_
Disconnecting to Reconnect
Sitting on hold, frustrated, time slipping by, I noticed an attachment I didn’t realize I had. It was causing some suffering that I was in control of and able to easily eliminate. Unfortunately, for about 40 minutes or so I wasn’t mindful of this so it was causing a bit of heaviness and stress. What was my attachment to? I almost feel silly to admit, but it was my ability to connect to the internet.
But was it actually the not being able to connect that was causing the suffering. Nope, not at all. It was the attachment I had to being able to connect that was the cause. I think a lot of us get confused sometimes as to what it really is that is the root of the pain we bring upon ourselves. We point fingers at people, blame the media, music, comments from others, when all the while it is ourselves that are the cause. Sure these things may bring about and trigger some sort of feeling inside us but it is not their fault. We are the fault. We choose to attach emotion to situations, comments, and other obstacles that arise through out our lives. Being mindful of these emotions is something we need to focus on.
When I was sitting here this morning, running back and forth from room to room, because I refuse to purchase a cordless phone, I could feel the weight of the stress building up on my shoulders. When ever the person on the other end of the phone told me something that didn’t correct the issue at hand it only led to more stress and unneeded emotion. It wasn’t until I stopped to take a breath and gather my thoughts, that I realized what the true problem was. At that very moment I could already feel some relief. Because I recognized the root cause, and from then on was mindful of my thoughts and actions, everything just started to fall into place. It still took time to reconcile the issue at hand, but the issue at hand didn’t feel like an issue anymore. It simply felt like something that had to be fixed and there was now a light at the end of my tunnel.
Once the matter at hand was finished and I was off the phone and able to reconnect I decided it was time to take a break for a while to reconnect with myself. Mindful of the fact that I was growing an attachment, I wanted to sit with my thoughts and resolve it before it got out of hand.
We are all going to have moments of discomfort. Well, at least I know I am. I am not an Enlightened being and therefore need to practice mindfulness at all times. I need to recognize my faults and do what I can to prevent unwanted and needless suffering. I’m grateful that over the years these moments are fewer and far between and I am grateful that when they do occur I am at least mindful enough to pause and breath. Usually that’s all it takes, then I can redirect my energy and let go and let be. So the next time something seems to be going not the way you wish, and unwanted feelings start to arise, take a moment and breath. Then ask yourself honestly, what is the root cause. If you possess the humility and integrity to deal with the honest truth, you will also possess the ability to change.
May we approach all obstacles in life mindful, honest, open and full of compassion.
My love and metta to you as always.
Michael
_/|\_
