It’s funny how things happen like this. And this quote by Shunryu Suzuki is so true. Life is full of obstacles. If we choose to focus and dwell on these obstacles, life will seem flawed and imperfect. But if we choose to acknowledge, learn and grow from these obstacles, the flaws and imperfections will become great lessons and life will simply be seen as imperfect perfection.

While walking the path, one Will step in shit. You can either let it ruin your day, week, month or simply wipe it off and continue walking mindfully along.

May you learn and grow, let go and let be. May your minds be at ease and may you continue to walk the path to freeing the bonds of samsara. _/\_

Michael

Today I went and paid the church a visit. I wanted to let them know how much I appreciated what they were doing and how much it helped out my wife and family.  I also wanted to offer my assistance. I wasn’t sure if they would let me take part in the committee since I am not a member of the church, but to my wonderful surprise they are. I am very grateful for all they have done for me and am grateful for the opportunity to help out others in my community. It’s always nice to give back. Even nicer just to give. Can’t wait to cook my first meal for someone.  Hopefully it will warm their hearts as the meals and the wonderful people who brought them to us warmed ours.

May we all find ways to give and give back. The smallest things can make a huge difference in someone’s life.

Hugs and Metta

Michael

_/\_

The more I get out to walk, the more I notice how many people tune out life and all that surrounds them. Whether they are walking, jogging, cycling or even strolling along with their dogs, they seem compelled to have headphones on drowning out everything.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy music, but I also enjoy the sounds of life around me. Listening to the breeze rustle through the leaves. Hearing birds chirp in the distance. A bark of a dog or the friendly hello of a passer by.

Why would you want to shelter yourself from all of this?

You can’t run away from your thoughts, so stop trying. If you want to clear your head, acknowledge your thoughts and then let go. Be aware of your surroundings and be mindful of each moment Now.

Stop drowning out life with music. Let life be your music. Breathe it in deeply and be grateful for each breath. Its OK to unplug.

May you find freedom within yourself and set your mind at ease. Hugs and metta.
Michael _/\_

Before surgery, I was always able to regulate my heart rate by slowing my breath and being focused. It was a great way to help relax me and worked wonders with my anxiety.  Was I really in control? No. But it definitely made me feel comfortable in times of need. Since surgery my heart rate is much faster and no matter how hard I try to focus and slow my breath, there is no way I can slow or regulate my heart rate.

Last night I let this feeling of not being in control get the best of me.  I’ve been having a hard time sleeping lately, not that I was ever a great sleeper to begin with, but this past week its been pretty bleek. Anyways, no matter how hard I tried to fall asleep it wasn’t happening. My body was exhausted, but my mind was wide awake. I started to feel uneasy and my heart began to race. I tried everything I could to relax, but it only made things worse. I began having episodes of anxiety and was very upset with myself.  Anxiety lead to fear and my fear lead to anger. My monkey mind was racing and I was so upset, that not only was I allowing myself to get this way, but I was keeping my wife up as well.

Finally after too many hours of this, exhaustion took over and I finally fell asleep. Three hours later I was up. I promised myself I would not let the night affect my day. I let go of as much as I could and allowed the remaining thoughts to work out what they needed. It wasn’t easy. Honestly it was quite the struggle but such is.

We all have shitty days, shitty nights. We all let thoughts and feelings get the best of us. It doesn’t mean we fell off our path. It doesn’t mean we are fucked up. It just means we are human. I hate using that analogy because too many, I feel, use being human as an excuse. That’s not what I am doing here. But sometimes we need to remind ourselves that that’s exactly what we are. Human. We’re not superheros, we’re not Gods. We are just people that have good moments and bad moments. Shit happens and its OK. Its not personal. Don’t hang on to these unpleasant moments. Let go and breathe. The path you walk isn’t always smooth, at times it can get quite rocky. Its OK to stumble. Its even OK to fall. Just remember to get back up, brush it off and continue on.

Loving others is a wonderful thing and sometimes very easy, but we need to love ourselves as well. No matter how hard that may seem.

Hugs and metta.

_/\_ Michael _/\_

Yesterday I was sent to the ER at the local hospital to get checked out since I was experiencing some chills and a slight fever. I wasn’t thrilled about being in a place that was riddled with germs and sick people. While there I started to get a bit anxious and felt judging eyes upon me. After a little while of feeling uncomfortable I decided to check myself. We can all sit there and point blame at others for the way they are “making us feel” and how we think they are looking at us, or we can question our thoughts. Are others truly making us feel any differently? Highly unlikely.

What was making me feel uncomfortable and uneasy was myself. I let many thoughts wander around in my head and build upon each other. I then let those thoughts turn into judgements and labels. Pointing out at the nurses and doctors that weren’t giving me the attention I thought I needed or the answers I felt I deserved. We question many things in life, but the one thing we need to take time to question most often is ourselves. These doctors were giving me as much attention as they felt needed and answers aren’t always going to solve our problems anyways. After taking a step back from my monkey mind I could see how busy every one was. The ER was packed and the doctors were completely stressed. I then started to imagine myself in their shoes. Running around trying to figure out what was wrong with people. Trying to answer everyone questions and also trying to make them feel as comfortable as they could.  I couldn’t imagine the amount of stress they must deal with. I prayed for them.

Before you label and judge others and let your mind wander, check your self. Question your thoughts before they become actions. Imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes. Think about what they must be going through, what thoughts are running through their minds. It’s easy to point the finger of blame at others. But what we need to do is point that finger within. Even if you feel it is not your fault, drive all blame onto you. Take that negativity and breathe it in and exhale some positive compassion. We all wish for change, so be that change.

I know I post a lot of positive and I often get a response from people telling me “it’s not that easy” or “easier said that done”. You know what? They’re right. It’s not easy. At times it can be the hardest things to do. Today I have been sitting here trying to convince myself that I am not turning into a hypochondriac. I’ve never had surgery before and am usually a very healthy active individual. Now all I do is sit on my ass experiencing signs and symptoms of a body recovering from a major surgery. My heart palpitates sometimes. My blood pressure drops. I can’t get up and do the things I wish to do. I’ve had fevers and chills, wounds that are taking their sweet time healing and now I am having bouts of blurred vision with flashes of light. It’s completely nerve-racking. But the only reason it is, is because I am letting it get to me. I am thinking too much and letting my thoughts wander and build.

So no, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Don’t let your mind get the best of you. I tweeted last night that “There is no prison stronger than the walls of a closed mind.” Like many of my tweets, it was a reminder to myself. Only you can make yourself feel trapped. And only you can set your mind free. So try. It wont always be easy. It may sometimes leave you i tears. And if you feel you have no where or no one to turn to, know that I am here for you and that I know, I truly know what you are going through. So let’s get through it all together. We all walk the same path, so why not at times, hold hands.

Breathe and remember, it’s about this moment and this breath. Always focus on that. If you remain focused on this moment and this breath then there is no room for fear, only love. May you find your peace and put your mind at ease.

Hugs and metta

_/\_ Michael _/\_

Patience is the key that will unlock the door to your entire path.

_/\_ Hugs and Metta _/\_

Ready to go?
Indeed.
This moment this breath
Bright lights
Cold room
Warm faces.
This moment this breath
No expectations
No attachments.
Any questions?
Shakes head
Ready to go to sleep?
Confirming smile
This moment this breath
Om tare tuttare ture…

Michael can you hear me?
Open your eyes.
Laying vulnerable
Ego scared and shattered
Searching
Grasping.
Breathe baby!
Gasps at life
Clouded eyes.
Aware
This moment this breath
Finding comfort
Trusting hands
Familiar voices.
Keep breathing baby!
I love you honey
Michael
Look at me,
Surgery went well
You did great
Rest now.
Comforting words
Warm tears
This moment this breath
Happy
Content
I lay with pain.
Eyes closed
Mind fovever open
So grateful
This moment this breath

Hugs and metta to you all.
_/\_ Michael _/\_

For the past year my health has been going downhill. On top of already having compressed discs in my back, frequent migraines and a long term battle with depression, my heart decides it wants to add its self to the mix. I can usually deal with a lot. Meditate through most. Acknowledge and let go of some more. But once in a while I would just get hit so hard with everything at once it would set me into a downward spiral bringing on a bought of depression ,anxiety, and feelings of woe is me.

About seven months ago my heart decided it wanted to take over the battle and drain me of everything I enjoyed. It made working difficult. Took away hiking, cycling, and even made simple things like walking a tremendous feat of strength and will. So what keeps me going? Acceptance, Mindfulness, Meditating, and constantly reminding myself that Suffering IS NOT Personal. I would repeat this over and over. Tweet about it. Talk about it. And even fall asleep repeating again and again in my head.

Suffering isn’t personal. We all suffer in some way or another. And when you can learn to accept this and let go of the attachment to what you think is personal, you can begin to learn from it and even become grateful for it.  When you look at suffering with a close mind and a narrow point of view, it’s like a massive river, waiting to drown you in its’ destructive current. But when you learn to let go, to accept, you start to see it for what it truly is. Just a gentle drop of water with the ability to promote growth or the ability to be absorbed by the river.  It’s outcome is your choice.

My heart issue became a matter of life or death and thankfully, with having surgery this coming Friday, I have a 95% chance of returning to a healthy being, continue on living, support my family, and getting back to doing the things I enjoy. For this I am extremely grateful. But that’s not the only reason. By not taking this personal, it allowed me to see some other lessons that were being taught. It has given me a new outlook on life. Has completely obliterated my depression and has brought my family closer than it has ever been. It’s taught me to be even more mindful of each moment. To wake up in the morning and appreciate every breath. And has inspired me to find peace and ease in even the most unpleasant of times.  Should I have been able to awaken to these things without such a stern lesson? Who knows? Who cares? Some answers just don’t make any difference.

What I do know is that I am grateful. That every person learns the same things in different ways, and this was just the way that I needed to learn this particular lesson. I am merely life’s disciple, and I am so happy that it has taken the time to teach me. Please don’t take suffering personal. We all suffer. It’s not about you. It’s not about me. We are merely reflections of one another. Ripples upon water. Learn to accept, to love, to let go, to be mindful and to be grateful for each and every moment for there is a lesson waiting in each as long as we are willing to open up and learn.

May we approach each and every moment, even the unpleasant ones, with an open mind full of peace and may we be at ease. Hugs and Metta to all.

_/\_ Michael _/\_

I started using different forms of social networking a little over a year ago just really to see what all the hype was about. I’m a bit of a keep to myself kind of guy and didn’t really know what I was looking to get out of it or put into it. I made some mistakes along the way and got caught up in “self” and almost gave up on the whole idea and then I decided to take a different approach. I decided to use it as a way I could potentially be of benefit to others and post daily reminders to myself. What I wasn’t expecting is how you would have such an impact on me.

I have known many of you for quite some time and over this time I have crossed paths with many new friends. I’m not going to use the word followers, I don’t like it. We walk along the same path side by side. Friends, if you may. I always try to talk about the positive things in life. The little lessons, the wonderful moments, and kind words that I only hope could be of benefit to whom ever reads them. Granted, we all have our days and sometimes my posts and tweets can be a little random or ragey, but thankfully those are few and far between.

But lately I’ve been a bit off. My health is going to shit and I’m trying so hard to keep myself together and stay strong. My body is riddled with pain and my heart just doesn’t seem to want to play nice anymore.  All I wish to do is be of benefit to as many as I can and all I seem to be doing is causing pain and suffering to those I love most. I know there is no “self”, I know all about impermanence.  I try not to grasp at form and have come to terms with death. But I’m human and I’m scarred.  I don’t want my family and friends to suffer. I don’t want to destroy my business. All I want to do is walk my daughter down the aisle when she is ready, see my son grow to be successful in what ever he chooses. I want to grow old with my wife and hold my grand children in my arms. But I’ve been having some really bad days. And this post isn’t for pity and I don’t want it. So please understand that. And I will let go of this feeling and continue on, but I can’t run from it. I know it’s not about me and I don’t hate myself. It is what it is. It is not personal and we will only suffer if we choose to. But I just want you all to know that on days like today when I’m driving around in tears, grasping at shit I should be letting go of and I get your wonderful messages through tweet, text or email, that I am SO GRATEFUL. I don’t know what others get out of twitter or blogs, but I know what I get. I get you. You are all so wonderful. And I want you all to know, that when I offer a hug, it means I would embrace you if you were in front of me. If I wish you a good day, it’s because I truly mean it. And if I send you some metta, that it’s coming from the heart and if I could absorb your suffering I would without batting an eye. You mean more to me than you could possibly imagine. So from my heart to yours. THANK YOU.

May every moment of your every day be full of compassion, for yourself and for all beings.

I am so grateful our paths have crossed and no matter what ever happens you will always be in my heart.

_/\_

Michael

Funny the things that we become attached to.
How the attachment can cause us suffering.
How we know the cure to our suffering.
Yet we continue to grasp.

May we all learn to truly let go.

Metta to you and yours.

_/|\_ Michael _/|\_