So what do you want to dwell on in life? What is it going to solve for you? Is it going to cure you of suffering, make you feel better in any way, help you find inner peace? Not even a little.
For the past year my health has been going downhill. On top of already having compressed discs in my back, frequent migraines and a long term battle with depression, my heart decides it wants to add its self to the mix. I can usually deal with a lot. Meditate through most. Acknowledge and let go of some more. But once in a while I would just get hit so hard with everything at once it would set me into a downward spiral bringing on a bought of depression ,anxiety, and feelings of woe is me.
About seven months ago my heart decided it wanted to take over the battle and drain me of everything I enjoyed. It made working difficult. Took away hiking, cycling, and even made simple things like walking a tremendous feat of strength and will. So what keeps me going? Acceptance, Mindfulness, Meditating, and constantly reminding myself that Suffering IS NOT Personal. I would repeat this over and over. Tweet about it. Talk about it. And even fall asleep repeating again and again in my head.
Suffering isn’t personal. We all suffer in some way or another. And when you can learn to accept this and let go of the attachment to what you think is personal, you can begin to learn from it and even become grateful for it. When you look at suffering with a close mind and a narrow point of view, it’s like a massive river, waiting to drown you in its’ destructive current. But when you learn to let go, to accept, you start to see it for what it truly is. Just a gentle drop of water with the ability to promote growth or the ability to be absorbed by the river. It’s outcome is your choice.
My heart issue became a matter of life or death and thankfully, with having surgery this coming Friday, I have a 95% chance of returning to a healthy being, continue on living, support my family, and getting back to doing the things I enjoy. For this I am extremely grateful. But that’s not the only reason. By not taking this personal, it allowed me to see some other lessons that were being taught. It has given me a new outlook on life. Has completely obliterated my depression and has brought my family closer than it has ever been. It’s taught me to be even more mindful of each moment. To wake up in the morning and appreciate every breath. And has inspired me to find peace and ease in even the most unpleasant of times. Should I have been able to awaken to these things without such a stern lesson? Who knows? Who cares? Some answers just don’t make any difference.
What I do know is that I am grateful. That every person learns the same things in different ways, and this was just the way that I needed to learn this particular lesson. I am merely life’s disciple, and I am so happy that it has taken the time to teach me. Please don’t take suffering personal. We all suffer. It’s not about you. It’s not about me. We are merely reflections of one another. Ripples upon water. Learn to accept, to love, to let go, to be mindful and to be grateful for each and every moment for there is a lesson waiting in each as long as we are willing to open up and learn.
May we approach each and every moment, even the unpleasant ones, with an open mind full of peace and may we be at ease. Hugs and Metta to all.
_/\_ Michael _/\_
Patience to me isn’t just a virtue but it’s an act.
