Live and Learn
I think the reason kids don’t learn these days is because they don’t know how to live. And I’d like to go one step beyond kids and say that most adults are the same way. I don’t know what has happened to people over the years. They have evolved into these thin-skinned bitches who worry and make excuses about everything and have no idea how to live life or raise a child. Everyone wants to accomplish these huge goals and have all their dreams come true but don’t want to get off their asses to even try to make it happen. They just sit up on their little imaginary pedestals thinking that everything will just come to them and that change is an inconvenience. What happened to just living life for the moment. Getting lost in what you were doing and having passion and desire drive you. These kids just sit around in their damn rooms glued to a computer or tv screen and their “parents” let them. I don’t get it. When I was a kid you had two choices, you can play outside or you can stay inside, and inside consisted of some sort of house cleaning. There was no way my mother would let me sit in the house all day watching tv or sitting in my room. What’s even more ridiculous is these “parents” will complain about what their kids are doing, how they play too much xbox, text on their smart phones or how they dress but don’t stop to realize that they are the ones supporting this shit. The kids aren’t buying the clothes or video games. The kids aren’t paying for cable, putting a tv in every fucking room, or buying their cellphones, the “parents” are. It’s quite ridiculous. Buying your children everything they want and not spending any time with them is not parenting and is not teaching them a damn thing. Take some time out of your day and listen to your kids, spend time with your kids, laugh with your kids. Turn of technology, put your damn phone down and go for a bike ride, a walk, or go puddle jumping in the rain. Teach your kids that life is about living and in doing so you might just live a little yourself.
Open your eyes and be grateful
I remember opening my eyes slowly thinking it was some kind of a blurry dream. I could hear muffled voices in all directions and the repetitive sound of high-pitched beeps. There seemed to be a lot of commotion, people scurrying about with determination and importance in their stride. It felt surreal. I decided to close my eyes. A few moments later I tried again. Vision still blurry, I tried to focus a bit more, tried to remember what was going on, why I was here. I looked down across my body lying peacefully still, tubes and wires protruding out of me like I was some kind of bio-mechanical being. Then I noticed the tubes coming out from my throat. I could see my chest rising and deflating but I wasn’t taking a breath and I could hear the faint sound of the ventilator in the background. Then everything became crystal clear. “I” was not my shell. Although body and mind rely on each other, my mind is not my body any more than my body is my mind and neither of them are truly “me” to begin with. “I” did not exist. This solidity that I have been trying to let go of for decades never even existed. On this day, one year ago today, I awoke. Not just from surgery, but from ignorance, from delusion, from the idea of self-importance and the solidity of “I”.
This was me, exactly a year ago today. Apologies for the photo being a bit graphic. 
For me, this was the greatest day of my life. A new beginning. Sure I had open heart surgery, yes I might not have woken up and you wouldn’t be reading this right now, but I did, more than any words in this post can ever express. I’ve always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Do we always know what those reasons are? No. And sometimes the reasons might not even be for us. This “obstacle” as many at the time called it, was not an “obstacle” at all. It was a lesson. One that continues to teach me everyday. A lesson not just for me, but for my family and friends as well. We all know we are going to die. It’s a natural part of life, but I strongly feel that many don’t reflect on it as much as they should because they feel that growing old is a prerequisite for death. This is so not true. Death just is, and it does not need to be defined by any means. We take so much for granted each day. How many times do we truly stop and focus on our breath, our heartbeat, our surroundings, not from a meditative standpoint, but from an “I am truly fucking grateful for this Moment” standpoint? I seldom did. Life is a gift, and one that should not be placed upon a mantle to look at from time to time, but one to truly embrace, enjoy and learn from. We need to approach it with an open mind and open heart. Embracing each and every moment, not just the “good” ones, but every one. For within each moment is life. You see, it is a gift that continually gives and what do we do? Abuse it? Misuse it? Neglect it? Take it for granted? STOP! Just stop. Stop complaining about the mundane bullshit. Stop telling yourself you’ll change tomorrow. Stop loving with condition. Stop the lies and stop thinking that you are so damn important. We are all important. Equally. We are all sentient, animals included and we need to stop taking each other for granted and start loving each other unconditionally. Everything we need to do this we carry within ourselves. Stop looking for the answers outside of yourselves and start living today. Be grateful. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be mindful of your thoughts and actions and constantly keep your motivation and intentions in check. Start Now. THIS MOMENT. THIS BREATH. You never know when it will be your last. You are my reflection, my breath, my teacher, my student. I offer each of you all my love, empty of condition, full of compassion. Namaste. _/\_ Michael
May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.
May all beings remain free from suffering and the cause of suffering.
May all beings remain unseparated from the sacred joy and happiness that is totally free from sorrow.
May all beings come to rest in the boundless and all-inclusive equanimity that is beyond attachment and aversion.
May all beings be happy, content and fulfilled.
May all be peaceful, harmonious and at ease.
May all be protected from harm and fear.
May all have whatever they want, need and aspire to.
May all be healed and whole.
May this planet be healed and whole.
May all beings awaken from the sleep of illusion.
May all beings be awakened, delivered, liberated and free.
May all realize their true nature and awaken to the Buddha within.
May all equally enjoy, actualize and embody the innate Great Perfection.
When I Tweet, I Tweet.
Lately I have been noticing how so many are completely disconnected with their surroundings. Every where you go someone is attached to some kind of technological device. Whether in the store shopping, in the car, walking down the street or even at their children’s school play. They are constantly checking their Facebook status, posting on twitter or playing some mindless game on their phone. It made me look at myself and how I react to the little sound my phone makes when I get a text, email or other social interaction.
Now I know there are some people who need to check their phones for work purposes or if their children are out and they feel it may be them contacting them, but otherwise, how much do we really need to constantly check our devices. For me personally I only mainly use two apps. Instagram, because I have been taking pictures for over 20 years and love being able to share what I see. And Twitter, because, even though at times I partake in idle chatter, hope that my words and thoughts may inspire and/or be of benefit to other people.
So why I am I telling you this? Not quite sure, maybe just to hear myself say it. Yesterday I thought I had the answer. I thought, hey, I will just delete all my accounts and that will be that. But it wasn’t as simple as I thought. Yesterday I posted that I was going to delete my twitter account and after a lot of thought it made me sad. I thought it was just attachment, and maybe to some degree it is, but I have made some friends and close connections on twitter that I just don’t want to delete. We all use social media/networking in different ways I’m sure, and some of you are probably laughing at me right now thinking this is just some childish post. But my friends on twitter are my family to me. My Sangha. I enjoy their company, their thoughts, and hearing about their day. I have met people from all over the world whom I would never have met if it weren’t for this interface, and I don’t want to just delete that connection.
So after talking with a good friend, whom I always tend to confide in, he helped me make some sense out of what I was feeling and some ideas on what to do. Sometimes we already know the answers to our questions, but we just need to hear them from someone else. I’m not going to delete my account, rather, I am going to set some time each day to use it more wisely. I removed the app from my phone and this seems to be helping. I just don’t want to be another disconnected zombie, always distracted by what I can post, and who might like it. Too many people are caught up in this ‘look at me’ mentality. Craving for that retweet, the new follower or someone to click the like button on their post. They want to feel special and important. To be placed on some imaginary pedestal. We must be mindful of our thoughts and especially of our words. We think that people will get what we are saying, but we sometimes forget that our words are only truly defined by how they are interpreted by the reader.
Now I’m not telling anyone what to do, nor am I am pointing fingers. I just wanted to shed some light to those who were wondering why I was thinking what I was thinking. Do what you like, but be mindful. Like it is said, ‘when you eat, eat. when you sleep, sleep.’ Slow down and be in the moment. If that moment consists of tweeting, then be mindful of it. But if that moment consists of driving, shopping, or attending your child’s school play, then please, be mindfully in that moment.
My love to each of you.
Michael
_/\_
Imperfect Perfection
So 2 months ago today at this time I was on an operating table having open heart surgery, hopeful but unsure of what the outcome would be. This morning when I arrived at work my little zen calendar on my desk reads: “We should find perfect existence through imperfect existence.”
It’s funny how things happen like this. And this quote by Shunryu Suzuki is so true. Life is full of obstacles. If we choose to focus and dwell on these obstacles, life will seem flawed and imperfect. But if we choose to acknowledge, learn and grow from these obstacles, the flaws and imperfections will become great lessons and life will simply be seen as imperfect perfection.
While walking the path, one Will step in shit. You can either let it ruin your day, week, month or simply wipe it off and continue walking mindfully along.
May you learn and grow, let go and let be. May your minds be at ease and may you continue to walk the path to freeing the bonds of samsara. _/\_
Michael
Give and Give Back
So while I was in the hospital for surgery and during my first week home recovering, my sister-in-law had it set up so that a local program called the ‘Meal Ministry’ provided us with dinner every other night. The program is run out of the First Congregational Church a few blocks from my house. Both my brothers and their families belong to this church and I thought it was quite kind that the program extended its’ services to myself and my family even though we weren’t members. Honestly, I never even knew this program existed. It’s a non profit program where members volunteer to cook meals for those who can’t manage for themselves. They provide meals for people recovering from surgeries, illness, the elderly, and those in hard times. What a great way to offer your kindness and help out the community.
Today I went and paid the church a visit. I wanted to let them know how much I appreciated what they were doing and how much it helped out my wife and family. I also wanted to offer my assistance. I wasn’t sure if they would let me take part in the committee since I am not a member of the church, but to my wonderful surprise they are. I am very grateful for all they have done for me and am grateful for the opportunity to help out others in my community. It’s always nice to give back. Even nicer just to give. Can’t wait to cook my first meal for someone. Hopefully it will warm their hearts as the meals and the wonderful people who brought them to us warmed ours.
May we all find ways to give and give back. The smallest things can make a huge difference in someone’s life.
Hugs and Metta
Michael
_/\_
Unplug
The more I get out to walk, the more I notice how many people tune out life and all that surrounds them. Whether they are walking, jogging, cycling or even strolling along with their dogs, they seem compelled to have headphones on drowning out everything.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy music, but I also enjoy the sounds of life around me. Listening to the breeze rustle through the leaves. Hearing birds chirp in the distance. A bark of a dog or the friendly hello of a passer by.
Why would you want to shelter yourself from all of this?
You can’t run away from your thoughts, so stop trying. If you want to clear your head, acknowledge your thoughts and then let go. Be aware of your surroundings and be mindful of each moment Now.
Stop drowning out life with music. Let life be your music. Breathe it in deeply and be grateful for each breath. Its OK to unplug.
May you find freedom within yourself and set your mind at ease. Hugs and metta.
Michael _/\_
Not easy, but worth it
Sit around your house all day recovering from surgery and your monkey mind can sure try to get the best of you.
Yesterday I was sent to the ER at the local hospital to get checked out since I was experiencing some chills and a slight fever. I wasn’t thrilled about being in a place that was riddled with germs and sick people. While there I started to get a bit anxious and felt judging eyes upon me. After a little while of feeling uncomfortable I decided to check myself. We can all sit there and point blame at others for the way they are “making us feel” and how we think they are looking at us, or we can question our thoughts. Are others truly making us feel any differently? Highly unlikely.
What was making me feel uncomfortable and uneasy was myself. I let many thoughts wander around in my head and build upon each other. I then let those thoughts turn into judgements and labels. Pointing out at the nurses and doctors that weren’t giving me the attention I thought I needed or the answers I felt I deserved. We question many things in life, but the one thing we need to take time to question most often is ourselves. These doctors were giving me as much attention as they felt needed and answers aren’t always going to solve our problems anyways. After taking a step back from my monkey mind I could see how busy every one was. The ER was packed and the doctors were completely stressed. I then started to imagine myself in their shoes. Running around trying to figure out what was wrong with people. Trying to answer everyone questions and also trying to make them feel as comfortable as they could. I couldn’t imagine the amount of stress they must deal with. I prayed for them.
Before you label and judge others and let your mind wander, check your self. Question your thoughts before they become actions. Imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes. Think about what they must be going through, what thoughts are running through their minds. It’s easy to point the finger of blame at others. But what we need to do is point that finger within. Even if you feel it is not your fault, drive all blame onto you. Take that negativity and breathe it in and exhale some positive compassion. We all wish for change, so be that change.
I know I post a lot of positive and I often get a response from people telling me “it’s not that easy” or “easier said that done”. You know what? They’re right. It’s not easy. At times it can be the hardest things to do. Today I have been sitting here trying to convince myself that I am not turning into a hypochondriac. I’ve never had surgery before and am usually a very healthy active individual. Now all I do is sit on my ass experiencing signs and symptoms of a body recovering from a major surgery. My heart palpitates sometimes. My blood pressure drops. I can’t get up and do the things I wish to do. I’ve had fevers and chills, wounds that are taking their sweet time healing and now I am having bouts of blurred vision with flashes of light. It’s completely nerve-racking. But the only reason it is, is because I am letting it get to me. I am thinking too much and letting my thoughts wander and build.
So no, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Don’t let your mind get the best of you. I tweeted last night that “There is no prison stronger than the walls of a closed mind.” Like many of my tweets, it was a reminder to myself. Only you can make yourself feel trapped. And only you can set your mind free. So try. It wont always be easy. It may sometimes leave you i tears. And if you feel you have no where or no one to turn to, know that I am here for you and that I know, I truly know what you are going through. So let’s get through it all together. We all walk the same path, so why not at times, hold hands.
Breathe and remember, it’s about this moment and this breath. Always focus on that. If you remain focused on this moment and this breath then there is no room for fear, only love. May you find your peace and put your mind at ease.
Hugs and metta
_/\_ Michael _/\_
The Key
Patience to me isn’t just a virtue but it’s an act.
One that can be practiced and applied to each and every moment.
It can guide you through forgiveness and lead you to acceptance.
It can ease your mind and bring you peace.
So why do we try so hard to rush?
We have all the time we will ever need if we learn to truly live and be mindful of each moment.
So take a step back.
Breathe a little deeper,
and learn to accept patience for the great teacher that it is.
Patience is the key that will unlock the door to your entire path.
_/\_ Hugs and Metta _/\_
What are you grasping at?
Let go.
I can’t.
Let go!
I said I can’t
What are you grasping at?
I don’t know.
Then let go.
It’s not that easy.
Yes it is.
Then help me.
I can’t.
Why not?
Cause only you can let go.
But it’s hard.
Only the thought of it is hard.
Why is it so hard?
Because you’re attached.
SO, what’s wrong with being attached?
Attachment causes you to suffer.
But I don’t want to suffer.
Then let go.
But it took me so long to grow.
It’s only hair.
Funny the things that we become attached to.
How the attachment can cause us suffering.
How we know the cure to our suffering.
Yet we continue to grasp.
May we all learn to truly let go.
Metta to you and yours.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Born again?…Nah
So I bumped into an old “friend” whom I haven’t spoken with in almost 20 years. He was pretty much the same as I remembered him. Cocky, sarcastic, egotistical, a punk ass. We shared a few words and he obviously noticed I was not who I once was and then asked me, quite bluntly and rude, “What are you, some fuckin born again?!” At that I smiled, actually chuckled inside and said it was nice seeing him but I had to run.
Now I guess for you to understand this at all I have to share a bit of who I used to be some 15-20 years ago. Let’s just say I wasn’t always a kind person. Actually I was pretty much an asshole. I hated everyone I met and myself even more. I was a thief, a liar, a stupid ass worthless punk. I lived for confrontation and never thought once, let alone twice, about throwin a fist at you. I acted out of rage and my best friend was depression. I was a disease. A walking infestation of hate and self-pity. I took no responsibility for my actions. Blamed everyone but myself for the way my life was and the things I got in trouble for. Looking back on my life I can honestly say that I cannot believe I am still alive.
So what happened? Change. One day approximately 15 years ago I was able to find enough clarity in my thick skull to realize that I truly hated who I was and where my life wasn’t leading. I hated knowing that I hurt so many beings. I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror and wanted to die. Odd thing was, that the more I thought about death, the more I realized that it wasn’t the answer I was looking for. I needed to change. I wanted to change. I really wanted to change. People always tried to offer me advice and help me through out those years but I never listened. As much as I hated who I was, I wasn’t gonna let someone else tell me what I needed to do. That’s the funny thing about this life. We can hear all we want about changing who we are. We can read books, go to church, find a guru, pay some shrink some ridiculous amount of money to listen to us whine, but in the end, the only one who can ever change us is us. And we don’t need a fucking thing to do it. Everything we need to change is within, we just need to want it.
I don’t regret my past and don’t try to forget it. It was a valuable lesson in my life and has taught me a great deal about who I was, who I have become and what I can accomplish when I live with an open and compassionate mind. Am I born again? Nah. I just learned that if you don’t like who you are or how you feel, you can actually do something about it. So don’t dwell on your past. Don’t get caught up on self-pity. If you want change, make change happen. No one is going to do it for you. Honestly, they can’t. Only you can. So stop pointing fingers. Stop whining. Tell depression to fuck off. Open your mind. Let go and to all who think they just can’t do it. Wake the fuck up. Apologies for the cursed tongue but some times we all need a slap in the face. If I can change so can you. Trust me, living a life mindfully, full of loving compassion towards all beings, is so much happier and benefits so many.
May we realize that we all suffer. May we discover the origin of our suffering, learn that we can cease this suffering and start walking a path to its’ end. As always, much metta to you and yours.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Breathe
Enjoy a cup of tea,
Breathe.
A bird shits on your head,
Breathe.
Share words with a friend,
Breathe.
Your car wont start,
Breathe.
Caressed by a gentle breeze,
Breathe.
Awake with a migraine,
Breathe.
Embrace your children,
Breathe.
Sit with back pain,
Breathe.
Sing along with your favorite song,
Breathe.
Deal with an irate person,
Breathe.
Walk barefoot along the beach,
Breathe.
You lose a loved one,
Breathe.
Witness the birth of a child.
Breathe.
Within each and every moment lays breath.
It is your guide,
your friend,
your center.
Without it you are nothing,
With it you can handle all.
May we always remember to stop and Breathe.
Metta to you.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Dukkha kicked my ass.
Today started out well enough. Had a few hiccups but nothing that couldn’t be easily overcome and turned into positive energy. As the day progressed, so did my obstacles. Little by little I was getting punched in the face, hit in gut and kicked in the ass by dukkha and it got harder and harder to maintain and keep up that positive energy.
One instance that really knocked me for a loop happened right before the cake topper. I was sitting in my brother’s car, since mine is still in the shop, waiting on the side of the road for him so we could head to a customers house we had to design a kitchen for. I had a rough idea where the house was but wasn’t sure exactly so I found a shady spot on the side of a well-traveled back road under a tree to sit and wait. I sat there with the car running and my hazards on so people wouldn’t think it was strange and made sure I didn’t park in front of anyone’s house. Unfortunately though a few people weren’t pleased by my appearance and what I wasn’t doing I guess, so they circled around a few times making awkward stares. Not soon after the police showed up and I was being questioned for being some kind of stalker. Seriously people, are we as human beings, so thin-skinned now a days that if we see someone on the side of the road with hazards on, that instead of asking if they may need assistance that we instead call the cops and complain about them being a potential stalker. Who the fuck was I stalking?! The squirrels. And yes, all stalkers sit in running cars in broad daylight with their hazards on. It really hit me in the stomach and made me quite sad, not to mention, it definitely brought my spirits down right as I’m about to go meet a customer.
Well, having no choice, I had to let go fast, or at least try to so I could sit and put my design face on. But here comes the cake topper. As I am working with our clients my phone rings and who is it? My mechanic. And what good news does he have for me? None. My car is not worth fixing and even if I thought it was, which I don’t, I don’t have the money to fix it. So now I have no car. Awesome. Seems I stepped in more dukkha. Gotta wipe it off, put on a smile and get back to my customer and her kitchen.
Now I know these obstacles are trivial in the grand scheme of things, and I know that I should just let go and that I also have a choice as to whether or how I let them affect me. But sometimes, even when mindful of your attachment to unwanted feelings, it is very hard to stop grasping that hot coal. As I sit here typing this I am torn between shedding a tear or sharing a chuckle. There are always going to be times when we get our asses handed to us by Ms. Dukkha. And sometimes those times are gonna want to stick with us and make us feel like shit. I don’t know what I’m going to do about a car at the moment. We live, for the most part, week by week, and this will definitely put a dent in any money we have squirreled away but such is. And as far as Mr. and Mrs. Insecure, well, honestly, who knows what they were thinking. Maybe they had children at home, maybe the last time a car was parked on the side of the road someone had their house broken into. I don’t know their reasoning and honestly I don’t care. Truly there was no harm done. The only way it will cause me any harm is if I hold onto it. So I’m letting go. And now as I type these last few sentences I have decided that sharing a chuckle at my car dilemma is much more beneficial to me too. We always find a way and I know, in the end it will all work out. I don’t work far from home and it’s summer. Biking is always an option for the time being.
So the next time Dukkha kicks your ass, take your punches, get back on your feet and wipe the shit off your pants. It’s only going to affect you if you choose to let it. I hope everyone has enjoyed their day and wish you all a wonderful weekend. May we truly live with an open mind and laugh in the face of Dukkha.
Much metta to you and yours.
_/|\_Michael_/|\_
Putting practice into practice.
After work today I decided to head to Home Depot and pick up an air conditioner for my bedroom. After loading it into my car I sat down in the driver’s seat as usual and turned my key. Unfortunately, my car would not start. I checked my fuses and did the normal once over that I could and found nothing out of the ordinary. I picked up my cell phone and called for a ride and then decided to sit and meditate in my hot car. I thought back to my lojong training and one particular point came to mind and I would like to share it with you now. Some of you may know it already. The point I am referring to and the text below it are taken from one of my favorite books by Chogyam Trungpa called: Training the Mind and Cultivating Loving-Kindness. I hope you enjoy and may it help you as it has helped me so many times.
If you can practice even when distracted, you are well-trained.
“…The idea of this slogan is the realization that whenever situations of a ordianry nature or extraordinary nature come up – our pot boils over, or our steak is turned into charcoal, or our car wont start (ok, I added that one, shhh), or suddenly we slip and lose our grasp – a sudden memory of awareness should take place. Jamgon Kongtrul’s commentary talks about a well-trained, powerful horse who loses his balance and suddenly regains it again through losing it. And the sutras talk about the bodhisattva’s actions being like those of a well-trained athlete who slips on a slippery surface and in the process of slipping regains his or her balance by using the force of the slipping process. It is similar, I suppose, to skiing, where you use the force that goes down and let yourself slide down through the snow – suddenly you gain attention and develop balance out of that.
… The main point is not to let yourself be wounded by the fangs of neurosis, the fangs of the kleshas.”
I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope that next time something arises or some obstacle falls in your path that you can take control of the moment and react mindfully. Things in life aren’t out to get us, we just sometimes think they are. They are merely testing us and giving us great opportunities to put our practice into practice.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_Michael_/|\_
Self Cherishing for $1000 please Alex
Standing outside on my front lawn with other tenants while fireman inspect the building for the cause of the carbon monoxide alarm going off in lady’s apartment, when one of my neighbors comes up to me and says so snottily, “She probably just never changed the batteries. Now she has me sitting out here wasting my time.”
Honestly, my first reaction was to smack her. But that’s not the way I am. I just walked away in silence and joined my other neighbors. But seriously folks, what’s up with all the people putting themselves on pedestals? Everyday I hear people constantly complaining. Complaining about the dumbest things as if this world was created just to cater to their needs and no one else’s. Oh my god, my cell phone wont get a signal. Oh my god, my hair looks like shit. Oh my god it’s just too humid, couldn’t it be a little bit cooler. Oh my god, my car needs gas again and they keep raising the prices on me. Me me me me me me me me me me. The self cherishing has got to stop people. Do you really think that highly of yourself that you honestly feel everything should be the way you want it to be. And even if it was, you would still find something to bitch about or someone to point blame at. If you think “God” hates you and that is why you’re always late for work, or that is why your wife doesn’t listen to you, then you seriously need to Shut the fuck up.
I’m not trying to come of like an ass. And I am definitely not saying that everything in my life is perfect. What I’m saying is life is life. Don’t you remember the damn song? “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have, the facts of life. Yes the facts of life.” Not everything is going to go according to the way you want it. But that doesn’t mean life is out to get you. It means absolutely nothing. It’s your ego. Your self cherishing. You’re, I am better than everyone and life is all about me attitude that is passing judgement and labeling each and every fucking thing as bad or good and right or wrong. Life is not that black and white. So the next time you have to change your plans because something else came up that is, actually more important, instead of saying “see, this is why I never make plans, cause shit never goes the way I want it to.” Just fucking breath. Take a step back and look at the big picture. The whole picture. That includes every being, every moment, all the good times, all the bad times. Look around you and you will see that there are billions of beings sharing the same air you breath and you need to respect them and each moment instead of focusing on just me me me me me me.
How can you ever find happiness when all you are constantly pointing out are the negatives. There are so many wonderful things in this life to be happy about. Sure, we live in samsara. Sure we suffer. But WE ALL suffer, and suffering IS NOT personal. So stop taking it that way. If life had no obstacles, no hiccups, no speed bumps to slow us down what type of person would be. There is an african proverb that states, “Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.” How can we grow as beings if it not tested?
So please, before I make this post any longer than I intended for it to be, stop the me me me attitude. Stop pointing blame at others to justify your own lame ass ego. Stop spreading so much damn negativity around in an already negative world. If you don’t like things the way they are then change. But get the fuck off that self cherishing pedestal, cause honestly, you don’t belong there.
May each one of us see clearly through open eyes and open mind and spread about positive energy to all we cross paths with.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_Michael_/|\_
Right Actions
So the other night my wife and were out walking our dog Chloe when a car drove by and the passenger decided to hang out the window and yell “Nice fucking hair faggot!” I was totally taken by surprise and didn’t think before I acted. I immediately flipped him off and waved him to stop and confront me, but of course, as I expected he just drove away increasing his speed. My wife laughed at me and said, “Serioulsy honey, what would have done if he stopped?” She’s right. Probably nothing at all.
All night it ate at me though. So I decided to sit and think about what it was that was actually bothering me. As you can tell, I’m not your “normal” human being and I’m pretty used to rude remarks and gestures. So what was it that was bothering me so much. After several hours of pondering I came to the conclusion that it was my actions that was eating at me. I was very upset that even after more than 10 years of practice my immediate action was to stoop to his level. Why? Why, after all these years was that still me first reaction? Am I no better than him?
I’m still not sure what exactly it was that made me respond the way I did. Maybe the shock of it all. Maybe because I was with Jen. Honestly I am still not sure. But what that instance did teach me was that even when we think we are on our way to some enlightened state of mind we need to constantly keep ourselves in check. We need to think before we act and speak. I am very grateful for that man and his words. He was a guru in disguise. A little test that I half failed. I say half, cause I saw the lesson and have learned from it. I can only hope that next time a situation like this arises I respond with Right Action, not ego.
To the person that said those words I offer to you all my love and compassion. You have taught me a great deal about myself and I only hope that one day you find happiness within and grow into a loving being.
I say it over and over and now, as you can see, it is to constantly remind myself as well.. May we approach all obstacles in our lives with an open and compassionate mind.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
A walk in the woods.
After work today I went for a short hike. Here are some photos I took with my Samsung Vibrant phone. Hope you enjoy.
Don’t Wallow
Motivation is lacking. Balance a usual struggle. Pushing away feelings of depression. Why all this mush? My only guess is I’m working through some karma. Sure that sounds fine and dandy and all but it doesn’t pay my bills. It doesn’t help my brother, whom I am partners in business with finish deadlines and get to jobs we have lined up on time. Yes we all get sick and yes my flu is miniscule compared to the problems around the world and the illnesses that others suffer from, and yes suffering is not personal. But I still can’t help to feel a bit helpless. I’m not gonna wallow in self-pity and this isn’t a ‘please comment to make me feel better’ post. I’m not looking for attention. I’m just letting go of some feelings. Acknowledging my thoughts and letting them pass. A lot of people think they need to repress unwanted thoughts, even run from them. That will never help you. Let your thoughts come to mind. Even say hello to them. But then, as quickly as they arrived, say goodbye and let them go. Do not get attached. You hold onto a beautiful balloon and then it suddenly pops. This causes more suffering. You hold onto a hot iron and it burns you. This also causes more suffering. Michael. Just let go and let be.
I choose to use these two pictures I took when hiking once with my son. They kind of express how I feel and how I can feel at the same time. They can be interpreted as depressing, foggy, dark. Or they can be seen as beautiful, flowing, life. It’s our choice on how we decide to see things. To interpret things.
May we all choose to see things open and clear. _/|\_ Michael
Mom, Honey, Anyone?
Remember when you were little and you were sick. You always wanted someone there with you. You didn’t know why, but you knew it just felt better with someone there. You would wake up in the night calling out “Mommy” or “Daddy” , “Nana” who ever, and they would come running to your side. Many times they knew that there was really nothing that they could do to help and knew that they could probably end up catching whatever it was you had but they didn’t care. They lay beside you or held you and tried to comfort you in any way they could. Not because it was something they had to do but because they weren’t thinking about themselves at all. They were pure, selfless acts of compassion. Imagine if we could be that way all the time.
As you grow into an adult and are on your own or living with a significant other it’s not always as easy just to yell out for someone to hold you. Laying here sick with the flu I think back to those childhood days when I used to call out for my mom and how her sitting by my side made me feel. Of course she wasn’t magic and could never cure my sickness, but her presence was very comforting. I know when I get sick I get this lonely feeling. I’m sure others may experience this as well. All you can think about is being sick and all the things you wish you could be doing instead of lying in bed feeling like shit. You start to feel as if you are alone in the world. Time seems to stand still and every aching moment feels like eternity. Sometimes you are fortunate to have a loving spouse or friend come to your side from time to time. Sometimes you may just snuggle your dog or cat.
What I’ve noticed the past couple of days is that with technology and social networking the way it is now, I can lay in bed with a laptop and can easily chat and say hi to others I care about. I can offer advice or kind words or just be an “ear” for those in need. I can be alone without feeling alone. And although they obviously can’t run to my side and comfort me, just their words alone mean more than they could imagine.
Never underestimate what a few kind words or a smiple gesture can mean to another being. Be mindful of your feelings and open to sharing your compassion with others. Whether we all admit it or not, we all love to be loved.
Metta to you and yours. _/|\_ Michael
Misguided by Poison
Witnessing both of my children being born and watching them grow from infant to present day I came to a few clear understandings. The first is that almost all beings are born out of love and full of such love. I say almost all because I don’t feel that children “farmed” for sale or animals “farmed” for meat are born out of compassion. Not looking for a debate just stating my own personal opinion. Anyways. Another understanding I have come to grow and watch and not too fond of accepting is that even while being raised with equal love and guidance, two children can grow to be such different beings.
I am proud to have the opportunity to be a father of two beautiful children and I love them both with all my heart. What is sometimes hard to accept and swallow is the fact that no matter how much I guide and teach, one of these two children is letting ignorance guide them along what will be a very long, lonely and obstacle filled path. I look back and wonder what I might have done to start them along this path. Did I yell too loud once, did I say something about someone that was interpreted the wrong way by my child? I can only sit and wonder. As time passes and I watch the ignorance continue to grow I wonder how many other beings in this world are the same.
In Buddhism they say Ignorance is one of the three mental poisons where as desirous attachment and hatred be the other two. As you can see in the picture above they symbolize this by using a pig, a pigeon and a snake. The pig depicts ignorance, the pigeon; desirous attachment and the snake; hatred. The pigeon and the snake are coming out of the mouth of the pig indicating that attachment and hatred come from ignorance and they are formed in a circle to represent that they are all mutually dependent on another. So with this being said, if you let go of your ignorance, your desirous attachment and hatred would soon pass accordingly. Now try teaching that to a teenager. Try teaching that to any being so caught up in their ignorance. Shit, I can’t even teach myself, for at times I too struggle with the three poisons.
I guess what I am trying to understand by writing this is what happens in a being that is born of, and full of, compassion to lead them down a path of ignorance? Why and how can one child be so full of love and commit numerous daily acts of selfless love for others while the other is all me me me? What can a parent do? What can one being do to help another. It kills me inside to watch this. Not only as a parent watching their child sink deeper into the depths of samsara but to watch it happen all around. How can we as beings imagine a world of peace and love when so many are poisoned? I know I can’t change the world and I know I cannot force my child to see where this poison is leading them, but then what can I do?
If you can lead a person to knowledge but can’t make them think, is one only to sit by and wait? Is there nothing another can do to help but love and offer compassion? As a parent I try hard to teach karma to my children. I show them that their choices, whether word or action have consequences and like throwing a rock into the middle of the lake the ripples will, over time, reach them. I try to remind them of past lessons and try to help guide their choices without forcing anything upon them. But yet it saddens me to see them fall. To see one understand while the other suffers, gets frustrated and then points blame and lies to try to take the focus off of them as if this will make it go away.
Watching all that is going on in Egypt and all over the world, seeing people in everyday situations choosing to act and speak through ignorance instead of taking the time to understand and love makes me wonder if we will ever be at peace. Until we begin to look within and face ourselves, until we being to understand what it means to truly let go and until we begin to rid ourselves of poison, do we ever stand a chance?
In these days of fierce storms both by weather and by man, I hope and pray that all are safe. Sending heavy metta to you all. _/|\_ Michael
May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.
May all beings remain free from suffering and the cause of suffering.
May all beings remain unseperated from the sacred joy and happiness that is totally free from sorrow.
May all beings come to rest in the boundless and all-inclusive equanimity that is beyond attachment and aversion.
May all beings be happy, content, and fulfilled.
May all be peaceful, harmonious, and at ease.
May all be protected from harm and fear.
May all have whatever they want, need and aspire to.
May all be healed and whole.
May this planet be healed and whole.
May all beings awaken from the sleep of illusion.
May all beings be awakened, delivered, liberated and free.
May all realize their true nature and awaken to the Buddha within.
May all equally enjoy, actualize, and embody the innate Great Perfection.
intro to Gender & Sexuality Studies with nerdisattva
The following is a Guest Post by the wonderful Nerdisattva. The topic relates to recent conversations we have been sharing. I do hope you enjoy. Feel free to comment and ask questions. I am she would have no problem talking with you. Metta to you.
A couple of weeks ago, I updated the twitter user photo on my personal account, since I finally had a new hairstyle I liked. lots of folks complimented me on my hair, and a few people (Michael/Skandhasattva included) phrased things in a way that made me realize some of my twitter acquaintances think I’m biologically male. in saying so, I’m sure many of you are thinking “wait…” if you are, good. maybe you thought I was biologically male from my picture, too, if you saw it. don’t worry, that’s what I was going for. like I told Michael/Skandhasattva when he tried to apologize to me for the “mistake”, I assured him, I was flattered: a compliment is a compliment, especially when that’s the look I was going for!
For those of you who aren’t familiar, I’m a transgender person. “transgender” refers to a wide group of people who are “gender-variant”, that is to say, their “gender” (a sense of self; the way they express themselves in clothing, hairstyle, mannerisms, etc.) doesn’t necessarily match their “sex” (commonly understood as someone’s biology). I personally identify as “genderqueer”, which typically refers to someone who is not always comfortable with their sex (biology) and may cross-dress (dressing in the clothing of another “gender” than the one which aligns with their sex). cross-dressing does not always indicate transgender or gay (homosexual) identity. nor does someone transgender have to be gay—like “traditional” men and women, transgender people can be straight, gay/lesbian, or bi (among numerous other identities). many people assume that because i sometimes dress like a “guy”, I’m lesbian-identified. however, I have a boyfriend. hang in there. I know this a lot to take in.
No, really. if you need to, just take a minute or so, and think about what I’ve said. re-read that paragraph if necessary. when you’re ready, go ahead and move to the paragraph below. I’ll wait. 
From what I’ve said above, the important thing to take away is that one’s gender expression (materialization of how one feels; see: “gender” above) does not determine their sexuality (aka: “sexual orientation”, or “sexual identity”). and if you’re thinking “whatever, this is a bunch of pussy, sissy pansy crap!” just think about it: are there ever times you’ve felt uncomfortable because of your gender? that time you were called a “fag” because you like to cook? or maybe that time someone called you a “lesbian” because you stood up for yourself? aha! and here we see where the mix-up presents itself in day-to-day life. the truth is, no one is a perfect model of “man” or “woman”. and though some people don’t want to admit that, and will spend their lives trying to match those ideals: it’s okay that not everyone does. some people, like me, even like not being some attempt at “perfect”!
Though I typically try to give people a variety of resources, I really can’t recommend Kate Bornstein’s (@KateBornstein on twitter) writing enough. she has a new book out, but I’d recommend the one of the original versions of Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us and/or My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You or Something Else Entirely. both are very helpful for understanding the complicated relationships between sex, gender, and sexuality, and the confusions of those concepts, as well as other dimensions of human experience (race, class, kink interest, etc.). and hey, you can always ask me questions—just ask Michael/Skandhasattva; I think he’ll tell you I’m easy to talk to, and hard to offend.
Peace!
_/\_ <3
@nerdisattva
