Not easy, but worth it
Sit around your house all day recovering from surgery and your monkey mind can sure try to get the best of you.
Yesterday I was sent to the ER at the local hospital to get checked out since I was experiencing some chills and a slight fever. I wasn’t thrilled about being in a place that was riddled with germs and sick people. While there I started to get a bit anxious and felt judging eyes upon me. After a little while of feeling uncomfortable I decided to check myself. We can all sit there and point blame at others for the way they are “making us feel” and how we think they are looking at us, or we can question our thoughts. Are others truly making us feel any differently? Highly unlikely.
What was making me feel uncomfortable and uneasy was myself. I let many thoughts wander around in my head and build upon each other. I then let those thoughts turn into judgements and labels. Pointing out at the nurses and doctors that weren’t giving me the attention I thought I needed or the answers I felt I deserved. We question many things in life, but the one thing we need to take time to question most often is ourselves. These doctors were giving me as much attention as they felt needed and answers aren’t always going to solve our problems anyways. After taking a step back from my monkey mind I could see how busy every one was. The ER was packed and the doctors were completely stressed. I then started to imagine myself in their shoes. Running around trying to figure out what was wrong with people. Trying to answer everyone questions and also trying to make them feel as comfortable as they could. I couldn’t imagine the amount of stress they must deal with. I prayed for them.
Before you label and judge others and let your mind wander, check your self. Question your thoughts before they become actions. Imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes. Think about what they must be going through, what thoughts are running through their minds. It’s easy to point the finger of blame at others. But what we need to do is point that finger within. Even if you feel it is not your fault, drive all blame onto you. Take that negativity and breathe it in and exhale some positive compassion. We all wish for change, so be that change.
I know I post a lot of positive and I often get a response from people telling me “it’s not that easy” or “easier said that done”. You know what? They’re right. It’s not easy. At times it can be the hardest things to do. Today I have been sitting here trying to convince myself that I am not turning into a hypochondriac. I’ve never had surgery before and am usually a very healthy active individual. Now all I do is sit on my ass experiencing signs and symptoms of a body recovering from a major surgery. My heart palpitates sometimes. My blood pressure drops. I can’t get up and do the things I wish to do. I’ve had fevers and chills, wounds that are taking their sweet time healing and now I am having bouts of blurred vision with flashes of light. It’s completely nerve-racking. But the only reason it is, is because I am letting it get to me. I am thinking too much and letting my thoughts wander and build.
So no, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Don’t let your mind get the best of you. I tweeted last night that “There is no prison stronger than the walls of a closed mind.” Like many of my tweets, it was a reminder to myself. Only you can make yourself feel trapped. And only you can set your mind free. So try. It wont always be easy. It may sometimes leave you i tears. And if you feel you have no where or no one to turn to, know that I am here for you and that I know, I truly know what you are going through. So let’s get through it all together. We all walk the same path, so why not at times, hold hands.
Breathe and remember, it’s about this moment and this breath. Always focus on that. If you remain focused on this moment and this breath then there is no room for fear, only love. May you find your peace and put your mind at ease.
Hugs and metta
_/\_ Michael _/\_
Born again?…Nah
So I bumped into an old “friend” whom I haven’t spoken with in almost 20 years. He was pretty much the same as I remembered him. Cocky, sarcastic, egotistical, a punk ass. We shared a few words and he obviously noticed I was not who I once was and then asked me, quite bluntly and rude, “What are you, some fuckin born again?!” At that I smiled, actually chuckled inside and said it was nice seeing him but I had to run.
Now I guess for you to understand this at all I have to share a bit of who I used to be some 15-20 years ago. Let’s just say I wasn’t always a kind person. Actually I was pretty much an asshole. I hated everyone I met and myself even more. I was a thief, a liar, a stupid ass worthless punk. I lived for confrontation and never thought once, let alone twice, about throwin a fist at you. I acted out of rage and my best friend was depression. I was a disease. A walking infestation of hate and self-pity. I took no responsibility for my actions. Blamed everyone but myself for the way my life was and the things I got in trouble for. Looking back on my life I can honestly say that I cannot believe I am still alive.
So what happened? Change. One day approximately 15 years ago I was able to find enough clarity in my thick skull to realize that I truly hated who I was and where my life wasn’t leading. I hated knowing that I hurt so many beings. I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror and wanted to die. Odd thing was, that the more I thought about death, the more I realized that it wasn’t the answer I was looking for. I needed to change. I wanted to change. I really wanted to change. People always tried to offer me advice and help me through out those years but I never listened. As much as I hated who I was, I wasn’t gonna let someone else tell me what I needed to do. That’s the funny thing about this life. We can hear all we want about changing who we are. We can read books, go to church, find a guru, pay some shrink some ridiculous amount of money to listen to us whine, but in the end, the only one who can ever change us is us. And we don’t need a fucking thing to do it. Everything we need to change is within, we just need to want it.
I don’t regret my past and don’t try to forget it. It was a valuable lesson in my life and has taught me a great deal about who I was, who I have become and what I can accomplish when I live with an open and compassionate mind. Am I born again? Nah. I just learned that if you don’t like who you are or how you feel, you can actually do something about it. So don’t dwell on your past. Don’t get caught up on self-pity. If you want change, make change happen. No one is going to do it for you. Honestly, they can’t. Only you can. So stop pointing fingers. Stop whining. Tell depression to fuck off. Open your mind. Let go and to all who think they just can’t do it. Wake the fuck up. Apologies for the cursed tongue but some times we all need a slap in the face. If I can change so can you. Trust me, living a life mindfully, full of loving compassion towards all beings, is so much happier and benefits so many.
May we realize that we all suffer. May we discover the origin of our suffering, learn that we can cease this suffering and start walking a path to its’ end. As always, much metta to you and yours.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Breathe
Enjoy a cup of tea,
Breathe.
A bird shits on your head,
Breathe.
Share words with a friend,
Breathe.
Your car wont start,
Breathe.
Caressed by a gentle breeze,
Breathe.
Awake with a migraine,
Breathe.
Embrace your children,
Breathe.
Sit with back pain,
Breathe.
Sing along with your favorite song,
Breathe.
Deal with an irate person,
Breathe.
Walk barefoot along the beach,
Breathe.
You lose a loved one,
Breathe.
Witness the birth of a child.
Breathe.
Within each and every moment lays breath.
It is your guide,
your friend,
your center.
Without it you are nothing,
With it you can handle all.
May we always remember to stop and Breathe.
Metta to you.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Right Actions
So the other night my wife and were out walking our dog Chloe when a car drove by and the passenger decided to hang out the window and yell “Nice fucking hair faggot!” I was totally taken by surprise and didn’t think before I acted. I immediately flipped him off and waved him to stop and confront me, but of course, as I expected he just drove away increasing his speed. My wife laughed at me and said, “Serioulsy honey, what would have done if he stopped?” She’s right. Probably nothing at all.
All night it ate at me though. So I decided to sit and think about what it was that was actually bothering me. As you can tell, I’m not your “normal” human being and I’m pretty used to rude remarks and gestures. So what was it that was bothering me so much. After several hours of pondering I came to the conclusion that it was my actions that was eating at me. I was very upset that even after more than 10 years of practice my immediate action was to stoop to his level. Why? Why, after all these years was that still me first reaction? Am I no better than him?
I’m still not sure what exactly it was that made me respond the way I did. Maybe the shock of it all. Maybe because I was with Jen. Honestly I am still not sure. But what that instance did teach me was that even when we think we are on our way to some enlightened state of mind we need to constantly keep ourselves in check. We need to think before we act and speak. I am very grateful for that man and his words. He was a guru in disguise. A little test that I half failed. I say half, cause I saw the lesson and have learned from it. I can only hope that next time a situation like this arises I respond with Right Action, not ego.
To the person that said those words I offer to you all my love and compassion. You have taught me a great deal about myself and I only hope that one day you find happiness within and grow into a loving being.
I say it over and over and now, as you can see, it is to constantly remind myself as well.. May we approach all obstacles in our lives with an open and compassionate mind.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Mom, Honey, Anyone?
Remember when you were little and you were sick. You always wanted someone there with you. You didn’t know why, but you knew it just felt better with someone there. You would wake up in the night calling out “Mommy” or “Daddy” , “Nana” who ever, and they would come running to your side. Many times they knew that there was really nothing that they could do to help and knew that they could probably end up catching whatever it was you had but they didn’t care. They lay beside you or held you and tried to comfort you in any way they could. Not because it was something they had to do but because they weren’t thinking about themselves at all. They were pure, selfless acts of compassion. Imagine if we could be that way all the time.
As you grow into an adult and are on your own or living with a significant other it’s not always as easy just to yell out for someone to hold you. Laying here sick with the flu I think back to those childhood days when I used to call out for my mom and how her sitting by my side made me feel. Of course she wasn’t magic and could never cure my sickness, but her presence was very comforting. I know when I get sick I get this lonely feeling. I’m sure others may experience this as well. All you can think about is being sick and all the things you wish you could be doing instead of lying in bed feeling like shit. You start to feel as if you are alone in the world. Time seems to stand still and every aching moment feels like eternity. Sometimes you are fortunate to have a loving spouse or friend come to your side from time to time. Sometimes you may just snuggle your dog or cat.
What I’ve noticed the past couple of days is that with technology and social networking the way it is now, I can lay in bed with a laptop and can easily chat and say hi to others I care about. I can offer advice or kind words or just be an “ear” for those in need. I can be alone without feeling alone. And although they obviously can’t run to my side and comfort me, just their words alone mean more than they could imagine.
Never underestimate what a few kind words or a smiple gesture can mean to another being. Be mindful of your feelings and open to sharing your compassion with others. Whether we all admit it or not, we all love to be loved.
Metta to you and yours. _/|\_ Michael
Misguided by Poison
Witnessing both of my children being born and watching them grow from infant to present day I came to a few clear understandings. The first is that almost all beings are born out of love and full of such love. I say almost all because I don’t feel that children “farmed” for sale or animals “farmed” for meat are born out of compassion. Not looking for a debate just stating my own personal opinion. Anyways. Another understanding I have come to grow and watch and not too fond of accepting is that even while being raised with equal love and guidance, two children can grow to be such different beings.
I am proud to have the opportunity to be a father of two beautiful children and I love them both with all my heart. What is sometimes hard to accept and swallow is the fact that no matter how much I guide and teach, one of these two children is letting ignorance guide them along what will be a very long, lonely and obstacle filled path. I look back and wonder what I might have done to start them along this path. Did I yell too loud once, did I say something about someone that was interpreted the wrong way by my child? I can only sit and wonder. As time passes and I watch the ignorance continue to grow I wonder how many other beings in this world are the same.
In Buddhism they say Ignorance is one of the three mental poisons where as desirous attachment and hatred be the other two. As you can see in the picture above they symbolize this by using a pig, a pigeon and a snake. The pig depicts ignorance, the pigeon; desirous attachment and the snake; hatred. The pigeon and the snake are coming out of the mouth of the pig indicating that attachment and hatred come from ignorance and they are formed in a circle to represent that they are all mutually dependent on another. So with this being said, if you let go of your ignorance, your desirous attachment and hatred would soon pass accordingly. Now try teaching that to a teenager. Try teaching that to any being so caught up in their ignorance. Shit, I can’t even teach myself, for at times I too struggle with the three poisons.
I guess what I am trying to understand by writing this is what happens in a being that is born of, and full of, compassion to lead them down a path of ignorance? Why and how can one child be so full of love and commit numerous daily acts of selfless love for others while the other is all me me me? What can a parent do? What can one being do to help another. It kills me inside to watch this. Not only as a parent watching their child sink deeper into the depths of samsara but to watch it happen all around. How can we as beings imagine a world of peace and love when so many are poisoned? I know I can’t change the world and I know I cannot force my child to see where this poison is leading them, but then what can I do?
If you can lead a person to knowledge but can’t make them think, is one only to sit by and wait? Is there nothing another can do to help but love and offer compassion? As a parent I try hard to teach karma to my children. I show them that their choices, whether word or action have consequences and like throwing a rock into the middle of the lake the ripples will, over time, reach them. I try to remind them of past lessons and try to help guide their choices without forcing anything upon them. But yet it saddens me to see them fall. To see one understand while the other suffers, gets frustrated and then points blame and lies to try to take the focus off of them as if this will make it go away.
Watching all that is going on in Egypt and all over the world, seeing people in everyday situations choosing to act and speak through ignorance instead of taking the time to understand and love makes me wonder if we will ever be at peace. Until we begin to look within and face ourselves, until we being to understand what it means to truly let go and until we begin to rid ourselves of poison, do we ever stand a chance?
In these days of fierce storms both by weather and by man, I hope and pray that all are safe. Sending heavy metta to you all. _/|\_ Michael
May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.
May all beings remain free from suffering and the cause of suffering.
May all beings remain unseperated from the sacred joy and happiness that is totally free from sorrow.
May all beings come to rest in the boundless and all-inclusive equanimity that is beyond attachment and aversion.
May all beings be happy, content, and fulfilled.
May all be peaceful, harmonious, and at ease.
May all be protected from harm and fear.
May all have whatever they want, need and aspire to.
May all be healed and whole.
May this planet be healed and whole.
May all beings awaken from the sleep of illusion.
May all beings be awakened, delivered, liberated and free.
May all realize their true nature and awaken to the Buddha within.
May all equally enjoy, actualize, and embody the innate Great Perfection.
