Not easy, but worth it
Sit around your house all day recovering from surgery and your monkey mind can sure try to get the best of you.
Yesterday I was sent to the ER at the local hospital to get checked out since I was experiencing some chills and a slight fever. I wasn’t thrilled about being in a place that was riddled with germs and sick people. While there I started to get a bit anxious and felt judging eyes upon me. After a little while of feeling uncomfortable I decided to check myself. We can all sit there and point blame at others for the way they are “making us feel” and how we think they are looking at us, or we can question our thoughts. Are others truly making us feel any differently? Highly unlikely.
What was making me feel uncomfortable and uneasy was myself. I let many thoughts wander around in my head and build upon each other. I then let those thoughts turn into judgements and labels. Pointing out at the nurses and doctors that weren’t giving me the attention I thought I needed or the answers I felt I deserved. We question many things in life, but the one thing we need to take time to question most often is ourselves. These doctors were giving me as much attention as they felt needed and answers aren’t always going to solve our problems anyways. After taking a step back from my monkey mind I could see how busy every one was. The ER was packed and the doctors were completely stressed. I then started to imagine myself in their shoes. Running around trying to figure out what was wrong with people. Trying to answer everyone questions and also trying to make them feel as comfortable as they could. I couldn’t imagine the amount of stress they must deal with. I prayed for them.
Before you label and judge others and let your mind wander, check your self. Question your thoughts before they become actions. Imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes. Think about what they must be going through, what thoughts are running through their minds. It’s easy to point the finger of blame at others. But what we need to do is point that finger within. Even if you feel it is not your fault, drive all blame onto you. Take that negativity and breathe it in and exhale some positive compassion. We all wish for change, so be that change.
I know I post a lot of positive and I often get a response from people telling me “it’s not that easy” or “easier said that done”. You know what? They’re right. It’s not easy. At times it can be the hardest things to do. Today I have been sitting here trying to convince myself that I am not turning into a hypochondriac. I’ve never had surgery before and am usually a very healthy active individual. Now all I do is sit on my ass experiencing signs and symptoms of a body recovering from a major surgery. My heart palpitates sometimes. My blood pressure drops. I can’t get up and do the things I wish to do. I’ve had fevers and chills, wounds that are taking their sweet time healing and now I am having bouts of blurred vision with flashes of light. It’s completely nerve-racking. But the only reason it is, is because I am letting it get to me. I am thinking too much and letting my thoughts wander and build.
So no, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Don’t let your mind get the best of you. I tweeted last night that “There is no prison stronger than the walls of a closed mind.” Like many of my tweets, it was a reminder to myself. Only you can make yourself feel trapped. And only you can set your mind free. So try. It wont always be easy. It may sometimes leave you i tears. And if you feel you have no where or no one to turn to, know that I am here for you and that I know, I truly know what you are going through. So let’s get through it all together. We all walk the same path, so why not at times, hold hands.
Breathe and remember, it’s about this moment and this breath. Always focus on that. If you remain focused on this moment and this breath then there is no room for fear, only love. May you find your peace and put your mind at ease.
Hugs and metta
_/\_ Michael _/\_
The Key
Patience to me isn’t just a virtue but it’s an act.
One that can be practiced and applied to each and every moment.
It can guide you through forgiveness and lead you to acceptance.
It can ease your mind and bring you peace.
So why do we try so hard to rush?
We have all the time we will ever need if we learn to truly live and be mindful of each moment.
So take a step back.
Breathe a little deeper,
and learn to accept patience for the great teacher that it is.
Patience is the key that will unlock the door to your entire path.
_/\_ Hugs and Metta _/\_
What are you grasping at?
Let go.
I can’t.
Let go!
I said I can’t
What are you grasping at?
I don’t know.
Then let go.
It’s not that easy.
Yes it is.
Then help me.
I can’t.
Why not?
Cause only you can let go.
But it’s hard.
Only the thought of it is hard.
Why is it so hard?
Because you’re attached.
SO, what’s wrong with being attached?
Attachment causes you to suffer.
But I don’t want to suffer.
Then let go.
But it took me so long to grow.
It’s only hair.
Funny the things that we become attached to.
How the attachment can cause us suffering.
How we know the cure to our suffering.
Yet we continue to grasp.
May we all learn to truly let go.
Metta to you and yours.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Dukkha kicked my ass.
Today started out well enough. Had a few hiccups but nothing that couldn’t be easily overcome and turned into positive energy. As the day progressed, so did my obstacles. Little by little I was getting punched in the face, hit in gut and kicked in the ass by dukkha and it got harder and harder to maintain and keep up that positive energy.
One instance that really knocked me for a loop happened right before the cake topper. I was sitting in my brother’s car, since mine is still in the shop, waiting on the side of the road for him so we could head to a customers house we had to design a kitchen for. I had a rough idea where the house was but wasn’t sure exactly so I found a shady spot on the side of a well-traveled back road under a tree to sit and wait. I sat there with the car running and my hazards on so people wouldn’t think it was strange and made sure I didn’t park in front of anyone’s house. Unfortunately though a few people weren’t pleased by my appearance and what I wasn’t doing I guess, so they circled around a few times making awkward stares. Not soon after the police showed up and I was being questioned for being some kind of stalker. Seriously people, are we as human beings, so thin-skinned now a days that if we see someone on the side of the road with hazards on, that instead of asking if they may need assistance that we instead call the cops and complain about them being a potential stalker. Who the fuck was I stalking?! The squirrels. And yes, all stalkers sit in running cars in broad daylight with their hazards on. It really hit me in the stomach and made me quite sad, not to mention, it definitely brought my spirits down right as I’m about to go meet a customer.
Well, having no choice, I had to let go fast, or at least try to so I could sit and put my design face on. But here comes the cake topper. As I am working with our clients my phone rings and who is it? My mechanic. And what good news does he have for me? None. My car is not worth fixing and even if I thought it was, which I don’t, I don’t have the money to fix it. So now I have no car. Awesome. Seems I stepped in more dukkha. Gotta wipe it off, put on a smile and get back to my customer and her kitchen.
Now I know these obstacles are trivial in the grand scheme of things, and I know that I should just let go and that I also have a choice as to whether or how I let them affect me. But sometimes, even when mindful of your attachment to unwanted feelings, it is very hard to stop grasping that hot coal. As I sit here typing this I am torn between shedding a tear or sharing a chuckle. There are always going to be times when we get our asses handed to us by Ms. Dukkha. And sometimes those times are gonna want to stick with us and make us feel like shit. I don’t know what I’m going to do about a car at the moment. We live, for the most part, week by week, and this will definitely put a dent in any money we have squirreled away but such is. And as far as Mr. and Mrs. Insecure, well, honestly, who knows what they were thinking. Maybe they had children at home, maybe the last time a car was parked on the side of the road someone had their house broken into. I don’t know their reasoning and honestly I don’t care. Truly there was no harm done. The only way it will cause me any harm is if I hold onto it. So I’m letting go. And now as I type these last few sentences I have decided that sharing a chuckle at my car dilemma is much more beneficial to me too. We always find a way and I know, in the end it will all work out. I don’t work far from home and it’s summer. Biking is always an option for the time being.
So the next time Dukkha kicks your ass, take your punches, get back on your feet and wipe the shit off your pants. It’s only going to affect you if you choose to let it. I hope everyone has enjoyed their day and wish you all a wonderful weekend. May we truly live with an open mind and laugh in the face of Dukkha.
Much metta to you and yours.
_/|\_Michael_/|\_
Putting practice into practice.
After work today I decided to head to Home Depot and pick up an air conditioner for my bedroom. After loading it into my car I sat down in the driver’s seat as usual and turned my key. Unfortunately, my car would not start. I checked my fuses and did the normal once over that I could and found nothing out of the ordinary. I picked up my cell phone and called for a ride and then decided to sit and meditate in my hot car. I thought back to my lojong training and one particular point came to mind and I would like to share it with you now. Some of you may know it already. The point I am referring to and the text below it are taken from one of my favorite books by Chogyam Trungpa called: Training the Mind and Cultivating Loving-Kindness. I hope you enjoy and may it help you as it has helped me so many times.
If you can practice even when distracted, you are well-trained.
“…The idea of this slogan is the realization that whenever situations of a ordianry nature or extraordinary nature come up – our pot boils over, or our steak is turned into charcoal, or our car wont start (ok, I added that one, shhh), or suddenly we slip and lose our grasp – a sudden memory of awareness should take place. Jamgon Kongtrul’s commentary talks about a well-trained, powerful horse who loses his balance and suddenly regains it again through losing it. And the sutras talk about the bodhisattva’s actions being like those of a well-trained athlete who slips on a slippery surface and in the process of slipping regains his or her balance by using the force of the slipping process. It is similar, I suppose, to skiing, where you use the force that goes down and let yourself slide down through the snow – suddenly you gain attention and develop balance out of that.
… The main point is not to let yourself be wounded by the fangs of neurosis, the fangs of the kleshas.”
I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope that next time something arises or some obstacle falls in your path that you can take control of the moment and react mindfully. Things in life aren’t out to get us, we just sometimes think they are. They are merely testing us and giving us great opportunities to put our practice into practice.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_Michael_/|\_
Self Cherishing for $1000 please Alex
Standing outside on my front lawn with other tenants while fireman inspect the building for the cause of the carbon monoxide alarm going off in lady’s apartment, when one of my neighbors comes up to me and says so snottily, “She probably just never changed the batteries. Now she has me sitting out here wasting my time.”
Honestly, my first reaction was to smack her. But that’s not the way I am. I just walked away in silence and joined my other neighbors. But seriously folks, what’s up with all the people putting themselves on pedestals? Everyday I hear people constantly complaining. Complaining about the dumbest things as if this world was created just to cater to their needs and no one else’s. Oh my god, my cell phone wont get a signal. Oh my god, my hair looks like shit. Oh my god it’s just too humid, couldn’t it be a little bit cooler. Oh my god, my car needs gas again and they keep raising the prices on me. Me me me me me me me me me me. The self cherishing has got to stop people. Do you really think that highly of yourself that you honestly feel everything should be the way you want it to be. And even if it was, you would still find something to bitch about or someone to point blame at. If you think “God” hates you and that is why you’re always late for work, or that is why your wife doesn’t listen to you, then you seriously need to Shut the fuck up.
I’m not trying to come of like an ass. And I am definitely not saying that everything in my life is perfect. What I’m saying is life is life. Don’t you remember the damn song? “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have, the facts of life. Yes the facts of life.” Not everything is going to go according to the way you want it. But that doesn’t mean life is out to get you. It means absolutely nothing. It’s your ego. Your self cherishing. You’re, I am better than everyone and life is all about me attitude that is passing judgement and labeling each and every fucking thing as bad or good and right or wrong. Life is not that black and white. So the next time you have to change your plans because something else came up that is, actually more important, instead of saying “see, this is why I never make plans, cause shit never goes the way I want it to.” Just fucking breath. Take a step back and look at the big picture. The whole picture. That includes every being, every moment, all the good times, all the bad times. Look around you and you will see that there are billions of beings sharing the same air you breath and you need to respect them and each moment instead of focusing on just me me me me me me.
How can you ever find happiness when all you are constantly pointing out are the negatives. There are so many wonderful things in this life to be happy about. Sure, we live in samsara. Sure we suffer. But WE ALL suffer, and suffering IS NOT personal. So stop taking it that way. If life had no obstacles, no hiccups, no speed bumps to slow us down what type of person would be. There is an african proverb that states, “Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.” How can we grow as beings if it not tested?
So please, before I make this post any longer than I intended for it to be, stop the me me me attitude. Stop pointing blame at others to justify your own lame ass ego. Stop spreading so much damn negativity around in an already negative world. If you don’t like things the way they are then change. But get the fuck off that self cherishing pedestal, cause honestly, you don’t belong there.
May each one of us see clearly through open eyes and open mind and spread about positive energy to all we cross paths with.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_Michael_/|\_
An afternoon poem.
A gentle breeze
A touch of sun,
I take off my shirt
And all the women run.
I like to joke
As you can see,
Because your laughter and smiles
Mean the world to me.
Our lives are filled with ups and downs
But don’t go around wearing a frown,
Cuase in the end you will see
Mindful and loving is the way to be.
I am not a poet and now you know it. But honestly, keep smiling and laughing. The bad times are just as impermanent as the good times.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Right Actions
So the other night my wife and were out walking our dog Chloe when a car drove by and the passenger decided to hang out the window and yell “Nice fucking hair faggot!” I was totally taken by surprise and didn’t think before I acted. I immediately flipped him off and waved him to stop and confront me, but of course, as I expected he just drove away increasing his speed. My wife laughed at me and said, “Serioulsy honey, what would have done if he stopped?” She’s right. Probably nothing at all.
All night it ate at me though. So I decided to sit and think about what it was that was actually bothering me. As you can tell, I’m not your “normal” human being and I’m pretty used to rude remarks and gestures. So what was it that was bothering me so much. After several hours of pondering I came to the conclusion that it was my actions that was eating at me. I was very upset that even after more than 10 years of practice my immediate action was to stoop to his level. Why? Why, after all these years was that still me first reaction? Am I no better than him?
I’m still not sure what exactly it was that made me respond the way I did. Maybe the shock of it all. Maybe because I was with Jen. Honestly I am still not sure. But what that instance did teach me was that even when we think we are on our way to some enlightened state of mind we need to constantly keep ourselves in check. We need to think before we act and speak. I am very grateful for that man and his words. He was a guru in disguise. A little test that I half failed. I say half, cause I saw the lesson and have learned from it. I can only hope that next time a situation like this arises I respond with Right Action, not ego.
To the person that said those words I offer to you all my love and compassion. You have taught me a great deal about myself and I only hope that one day you find happiness within and grow into a loving being.
I say it over and over and now, as you can see, it is to constantly remind myself as well.. May we approach all obstacles in our lives with an open and compassionate mind.
Metta to you all.
_/|\_ Michael _/|\_
Karma Control.
So my son and I were discussing karma this morning and he asked a question to which I then in return asked a question and am curious as to what my readers think as well. Here was our conversation:
Son – “so dad, if 2 people were arguing on the second floor and one shot the other in the foot and the bullet passed through said foot, through the floor and killed the person on the first floor, is that karma?”
Me – “Yes, karma is simply cause and effect. The question to you though, who’s karma was it? Was it the person who fired the gun, the one who got shot in the foot, the one who died, the family of the one who died, someone we don’t even know about, or all of them?”
So, to my fellow few readers, 
what is your take? Please leave your comments and/or questions below. Thanks
Don’t Wallow
Motivation is lacking. Balance a usual struggle. Pushing away feelings of depression. Why all this mush? My only guess is I’m working through some karma. Sure that sounds fine and dandy and all but it doesn’t pay my bills. It doesn’t help my brother, whom I am partners in business with finish deadlines and get to jobs we have lined up on time. Yes we all get sick and yes my flu is miniscule compared to the problems around the world and the illnesses that others suffer from, and yes suffering is not personal. But I still can’t help to feel a bit helpless. I’m not gonna wallow in self-pity and this isn’t a ‘please comment to make me feel better’ post. I’m not looking for attention. I’m just letting go of some feelings. Acknowledging my thoughts and letting them pass. A lot of people think they need to repress unwanted thoughts, even run from them. That will never help you. Let your thoughts come to mind. Even say hello to them. But then, as quickly as they arrived, say goodbye and let them go. Do not get attached. You hold onto a beautiful balloon and then it suddenly pops. This causes more suffering. You hold onto a hot iron and it burns you. This also causes more suffering. Michael. Just let go and let be.
I choose to use these two pictures I took when hiking once with my son. They kind of express how I feel and how I can feel at the same time. They can be interpreted as depressing, foggy, dark. Or they can be seen as beautiful, flowing, life. It’s our choice on how we decide to see things. To interpret things.
May we all choose to see things open and clear. _/|\_ Michael
Misguided by Poison
Witnessing both of my children being born and watching them grow from infant to present day I came to a few clear understandings. The first is that almost all beings are born out of love and full of such love. I say almost all because I don’t feel that children “farmed” for sale or animals “farmed” for meat are born out of compassion. Not looking for a debate just stating my own personal opinion. Anyways. Another understanding I have come to grow and watch and not too fond of accepting is that even while being raised with equal love and guidance, two children can grow to be such different beings.
I am proud to have the opportunity to be a father of two beautiful children and I love them both with all my heart. What is sometimes hard to accept and swallow is the fact that no matter how much I guide and teach, one of these two children is letting ignorance guide them along what will be a very long, lonely and obstacle filled path. I look back and wonder what I might have done to start them along this path. Did I yell too loud once, did I say something about someone that was interpreted the wrong way by my child? I can only sit and wonder. As time passes and I watch the ignorance continue to grow I wonder how many other beings in this world are the same.
In Buddhism they say Ignorance is one of the three mental poisons where as desirous attachment and hatred be the other two. As you can see in the picture above they symbolize this by using a pig, a pigeon and a snake. The pig depicts ignorance, the pigeon; desirous attachment and the snake; hatred. The pigeon and the snake are coming out of the mouth of the pig indicating that attachment and hatred come from ignorance and they are formed in a circle to represent that they are all mutually dependent on another. So with this being said, if you let go of your ignorance, your desirous attachment and hatred would soon pass accordingly. Now try teaching that to a teenager. Try teaching that to any being so caught up in their ignorance. Shit, I can’t even teach myself, for at times I too struggle with the three poisons.
I guess what I am trying to understand by writing this is what happens in a being that is born of, and full of, compassion to lead them down a path of ignorance? Why and how can one child be so full of love and commit numerous daily acts of selfless love for others while the other is all me me me? What can a parent do? What can one being do to help another. It kills me inside to watch this. Not only as a parent watching their child sink deeper into the depths of samsara but to watch it happen all around. How can we as beings imagine a world of peace and love when so many are poisoned? I know I can’t change the world and I know I cannot force my child to see where this poison is leading them, but then what can I do?
If you can lead a person to knowledge but can’t make them think, is one only to sit by and wait? Is there nothing another can do to help but love and offer compassion? As a parent I try hard to teach karma to my children. I show them that their choices, whether word or action have consequences and like throwing a rock into the middle of the lake the ripples will, over time, reach them. I try to remind them of past lessons and try to help guide their choices without forcing anything upon them. But yet it saddens me to see them fall. To see one understand while the other suffers, gets frustrated and then points blame and lies to try to take the focus off of them as if this will make it go away.
Watching all that is going on in Egypt and all over the world, seeing people in everyday situations choosing to act and speak through ignorance instead of taking the time to understand and love makes me wonder if we will ever be at peace. Until we begin to look within and face ourselves, until we being to understand what it means to truly let go and until we begin to rid ourselves of poison, do we ever stand a chance?
In these days of fierce storms both by weather and by man, I hope and pray that all are safe. Sending heavy metta to you all. _/|\_ Michael
May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.
May all beings remain free from suffering and the cause of suffering.
May all beings remain unseperated from the sacred joy and happiness that is totally free from sorrow.
May all beings come to rest in the boundless and all-inclusive equanimity that is beyond attachment and aversion.
May all beings be happy, content, and fulfilled.
May all be peaceful, harmonious, and at ease.
May all be protected from harm and fear.
May all have whatever they want, need and aspire to.
May all be healed and whole.
May this planet be healed and whole.
May all beings awaken from the sleep of illusion.
May all beings be awakened, delivered, liberated and free.
May all realize their true nature and awaken to the Buddha within.
May all equally enjoy, actualize, and embody the innate Great Perfection.
Daily Wisdom
My kids bought be a desktop Zen calendar consisting of 365 days of wisdom. I especially enjoyed yesterdays words and would like to share them with you.
Do not judge or criticize others.
Just be at ease and go on mindlessly like a simpleton or a fool.
Or, be like one who is struck deaf and dumb.
Spend your life as if you cannot hear a thing, or like an infant.
Then, sooner or later, all delusion will disappear.
Metta to you. Peace. Michael
_/|\_
Bundles and Heaps
I know there is no “self” but lately I am struggling with who that self is. I’ve always had a hard time with maintaining balance and walking the middle road so to speak. Depression has always been my curse for I think too much and label myself and question myself constantly. When I know I need to let go I tend to just grasp more. I fear I am making wrong choices and not doing everything I can to be of help to others. Recently my ego has kicked it up a notch and I seem to be grasping for a person I once was. It felt “right” but as time passed so did the feeling. I guess it’s like how many search for external happiness. When you don’t look within everything else is, and will always be temporary. I thought I was past this part of me. I thought I have grown and deepened my understanding for what it truly means to “exist”. But I seem to only grow more and more lost. I didn’t like where my recent path was heading and thankfully I was clear enough to catch myself before I wandered off too far. Why do I keep trying to hold on to someone I used to be? What is it I need to do to truly let go? It’s so funny typing that question because I know the answer. But then why if I know the answer is it so hard for me to accept it and work with it? Why is it a constant battle to maintain balance?
It seems I don’t fully understand and am at constant conflict with the five skandhas, even though I do understnad and try so hard not to be. I am always trying to justify this form. Always confusing consciousness with awareness. It seems that as much as I can’t stand others placing labels or judgments on me, that’s all I seem to do to myself. I am constantly trying to solidify and place some kind of label on this self. Trying so hard to solidify what is not solid.
Ever since I was a young teen I always had to be this or that. If I listened to one genre of music than my whole personality had to reflect that genre and I could not get myself to listen to something different. I struggled like this for years. Always an extremist and always fighting for balance that I could never seem to find. As I grew older and thankfully changed in many ways I still struggled. I don’t know what it is about certain things but it gets frustrating at times. I look at this latest venture off my path as a lesson. Even though I strayed and grasped like a hungry ghost, I was clear enough to recognize it and the uncomfortable feelings it was leaving inside of me. There are so many lessons in life. Some you realize and learn from immediately, while others you have to marinate in, to truly grasp what is going on and what it is you needed to learn.
I feel I need to start fresh to truly let go. Whether I truly need to or not is beyond me at this time, but sometimes one cannot move forward while still holding on to who or what they once were. So this is me letting go and moving on. And instead of fighting for balance I’m just gonna gingerly walk along my path open to all the lessons waiting ahead. I hope and ask that you approach any and all obstacles the same. May we be the ground for others to walk and feel safe upon.
Until again, Michael.
Metta to you. _/|\_
