Imperfect Perfection
So 2 months ago today at this time I was on an operating table having open heart surgery, hopeful but unsure of what the outcome would be. This morning when I arrived at work my little zen calendar on my desk reads: “We should find perfect existence through imperfect existence.”
It’s funny how things happen like this. And this quote by Shunryu Suzuki is so true. Life is full of obstacles. If we choose to focus and dwell on these obstacles, life will seem flawed and imperfect. But if we choose to acknowledge, learn and grow from these obstacles, the flaws and imperfections will become great lessons and life will simply be seen as imperfect perfection.
While walking the path, one Will step in shit. You can either let it ruin your day, week, month or simply wipe it off and continue walking mindfully along.
May you learn and grow, let go and let be. May your minds be at ease and may you continue to walk the path to freeing the bonds of samsara. _/\_
Michael
Give and Give Back
So while I was in the hospital for surgery and during my first week home recovering, my sister-in-law had it set up so that a local program called the ‘Meal Ministry’ provided us with dinner every other night. The program is run out of the First Congregational Church a few blocks from my house. Both my brothers and their families belong to this church and I thought it was quite kind that the program extended its’ services to myself and my family even though we weren’t members. Honestly, I never even knew this program existed. It’s a non profit program where members volunteer to cook meals for those who can’t manage for themselves. They provide meals for people recovering from surgeries, illness, the elderly, and those in hard times. What a great way to offer your kindness and help out the community.
Today I went and paid the church a visit. I wanted to let them know how much I appreciated what they were doing and how much it helped out my wife and family. I also wanted to offer my assistance. I wasn’t sure if they would let me take part in the committee since I am not a member of the church, but to my wonderful surprise they are. I am very grateful for all they have done for me and am grateful for the opportunity to help out others in my community. It’s always nice to give back. Even nicer just to give. Can’t wait to cook my first meal for someone. Hopefully it will warm their hearts as the meals and the wonderful people who brought them to us warmed ours.
May we all find ways to give and give back. The smallest things can make a huge difference in someone’s life.
Hugs and Metta
Michael
_/\_
Unplug
The more I get out to walk, the more I notice how many people tune out life and all that surrounds them. Whether they are walking, jogging, cycling or even strolling along with their dogs, they seem compelled to have headphones on drowning out everything.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy music, but I also enjoy the sounds of life around me. Listening to the breeze rustle through the leaves. Hearing birds chirp in the distance. A bark of a dog or the friendly hello of a passer by.
Why would you want to shelter yourself from all of this?
You can’t run away from your thoughts, so stop trying. If you want to clear your head, acknowledge your thoughts and then let go. Be aware of your surroundings and be mindful of each moment Now.
Stop drowning out life with music. Let life be your music. Breathe it in deeply and be grateful for each breath. Its OK to unplug.
May you find freedom within yourself and set your mind at ease. Hugs and metta.
Michael _/\_
Out of control
So how many times a day do you think you are actually in control of something? I try to remind myself that the idea of being in control of anything is merely a delusion. Honestly, what are we really ever in control over? Nothing.
Before surgery, I was always able to regulate my heart rate by slowing my breath and being focused. It was a great way to help relax me and worked wonders with my anxiety. Was I really in control? No. But it definitely made me feel comfortable in times of need. Since surgery my heart rate is much faster and no matter how hard I try to focus and slow my breath, there is no way I can slow or regulate my heart rate.
Last night I let this feeling of not being in control get the best of me. I’ve been having a hard time sleeping lately, not that I was ever a great sleeper to begin with, but this past week its been pretty bleek. Anyways, no matter how hard I tried to fall asleep it wasn’t happening. My body was exhausted, but my mind was wide awake. I started to feel uneasy and my heart began to race. I tried everything I could to relax, but it only made things worse. I began having episodes of anxiety and was very upset with myself. Anxiety lead to fear and my fear lead to anger. My monkey mind was racing and I was so upset, that not only was I allowing myself to get this way, but I was keeping my wife up as well.
Finally after too many hours of this, exhaustion took over and I finally fell asleep. Three hours later I was up. I promised myself I would not let the night affect my day. I let go of as much as I could and allowed the remaining thoughts to work out what they needed. It wasn’t easy. Honestly it was quite the struggle but such is.
We all have shitty days, shitty nights. We all let thoughts and feelings get the best of us. It doesn’t mean we fell off our path. It doesn’t mean we are fucked up. It just means we are human. I hate using that analogy because too many, I feel, use being human as an excuse. That’s not what I am doing here. But sometimes we need to remind ourselves that that’s exactly what we are. Human. We’re not superheros, we’re not Gods. We are just people that have good moments and bad moments. Shit happens and its OK. Its not personal. Don’t hang on to these unpleasant moments. Let go and breathe. The path you walk isn’t always smooth, at times it can get quite rocky. Its OK to stumble. Its even OK to fall. Just remember to get back up, brush it off and continue on.
Loving others is a wonderful thing and sometimes very easy, but we need to love ourselves as well. No matter how hard that may seem.
Hugs and metta.
_/\_ Michael _/\_
The Key
Patience to me isn’t just a virtue but it’s an act.
One that can be practiced and applied to each and every moment.
It can guide you through forgiveness and lead you to acceptance.
It can ease your mind and bring you peace.
So why do we try so hard to rush?
We have all the time we will ever need if we learn to truly live and be mindful of each moment.
So take a step back.
Breathe a little deeper,
and learn to accept patience for the great teacher that it is.
Patience is the key that will unlock the door to your entire path.
_/\_ Hugs and Metta _/\_
This moment this breath
‘Thoughts, feelings and memories from the day of my surgery.’
Ready to go?
Indeed.
This moment this breath
Bright lights
Cold room
Warm faces.
This moment this breath
No expectations
No attachments.
Any questions?
Shakes head
Ready to go to sleep?
Confirming smile
This moment this breath
Om tare tuttare ture…
Michael can you hear me?
Open your eyes.
Laying vulnerable
Ego scared and shattered
Searching
Grasping.
Breathe baby!
Gasps at life
Clouded eyes.
Aware
This moment this breath
Finding comfort
Trusting hands
Familiar voices.
Keep breathing baby!
I love you honey
Michael
Look at me,
Surgery went well
You did great
Rest now.
Comforting words
Warm tears
This moment this breath
Happy
Content
I lay with pain.
Eyes closed
Mind fovever open
So grateful
This moment this breath
Hugs and metta to you all.
_/\_ Michael _/\_
